Saturday, April 19, 2014

A bump in the road

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments.

This week managed to throw us a curve. My sister, Mom and I went to Nashville on Wednesday to be rested before the all day long surgery. We had to be at the hospital at 8 AM and we had a 2-1/2 wait before they called Mom. My sister went up with her as they would only allow one person to be with her in pre-op and that person had to stay until she went into surgery. I got a text from my sister telling me they were taking her to get a CT scan to see exactly where the tumor was now. A little while later, I got another text that they weren't going to do the surgery. It seems the tumor has grown too large and was too close to some vital areas to safely do the surgery.  They would be taking her back to Dr. Mannion's office, the ENT surgeon, to do a biopsy to see exactly what they were dealing with. Apparently, our local hospital, pathology, whatever, never sent any slides to them from the original biopsy.

Stacey came back downstairs and we went to the doctor's office. I sent Stacey back to be with Mom. I was so disappointed and scared and angry and everything else, I just couldn't see Mom at that point. I had a cry, talked with my husband and waited on my daughter and James. When the nurse brought her out, they told us to go home. The plan is to do chemo to hopefuly shrink the tumor to a more manageable size for surgery and we can do that closer to home.

My aunt and cousin had come down to be with us during the surgery. My Mom lives with this aunt and they are really close. They had gotten a room for the night because my aunt did not want to leave until she was able to see Mom so they asked Mom and I to stay with them and then go home on Friday. Mom was totally worn out and very disappointed so we said okay. My sister had planned to go home Thursday night anyway so she went ahead.

I know this reads like a jumble of words but right now I'm not thinking very clearly. I'm very worried that they have left it too late and there won't be anything they can do. I told my Mom at the very beginning that I would accept any decision she made and that the decisions were hers. I am so afraid I'm going to lose my Mom to this and that she will be in pain. I don't want to lose her but I really don't want her to be in pain.

I have slept off and on all day but now I'm working through my emotions so I don't know if I'll sleep tonight. Please keep remembering us. As my sister said, we are in for a long haul. We are lucky to have each other and the family support. My daughter has been wonderful through all of this and so has her husband. My son is staying in touch and talking to me and Mom. Mom has 3 sisters who will do anything for her. Family is so important at a time like this and I am so thankful for the family we have.

Thank you for stopping by.


Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The surgery is scheduled.

Hello, my dear, dear bloggy friends. I cannot begin to tell you how much your comments and your thoughts have touched me. All we hear about when we turn on the news or talk with others, is how bad people are. The school shootings, the stabbings, the bombings, it all begins to feel like this world has turned totally bad and there's no hope for it. Then I get your comments and they are so powerful and kind and loving and I cry and smile and thank my lucky stars that I decided to join this wonderful community.

The past few weeks have been hectic. We have been getting things together, communicating with the doctors in Nashville and trying to be sure all things are lining up. We made another trip to Nashville last Friday for an appointment with the neurosurgeon, one with patient teachings and one for the pre-op process. The neurosurgeon determined that Mom could not wait until May for her surgery so that has been scheduled for Thursday, April 17. He explained, at the appointment, the process that will be done to remove the tumor. Instead of making an incision beside her nose, he will be doing a crainiotomy and working from above it. He feels that this is the best way to make sure he gets all the tumor. We have to be at the hospital at 8 AM with the surgery scheduled for 11 AM.  It will be an 8 hour surgery + or - depending on how things go after they get started.

Mom will be in ICU for 5-7 days and if all goes well, she will be allowed to come home then. The ICU room has a sofa that makes a bed and one of us can stay with her at night. I am staying Thursday night and Friday night so my sister can go home to be with her kids and then she is coming back on Saturday so I can come home and rest. Thank goodness for little sisters and for family. I don't know how anyone manages without having family around them. My daughter has been such a help and having her close to Nashville makes it nice. We get to see them each time we go down and James is such a delight. He is definitely a mood lifter.

I have found myself, over the past couple of days, staring into space and having trouble concentrating on anything. Maybe this is my coping mechanism. I am glad the surgery is going forward sooner than we had been told but the thoughts of my 82 year old mother having to endure this lenghthy procedure scares me. She told the neurosurgeon she was bringing her own Surgeon and he told her they would be sure to have gloves to fit Him. Mom's faith is firm and I know she will be in good hands and I know there will prayers and thoughts surrounding her, but there is a part of me that is so worried, so scared and Mom won't be there to comfort me. She has been my rock through all my procedures and now it's my turn to be hers. This reversal is unnerving.

Now to things that have put a smile on my face this week.

I bought myself a bracelet this week. It is from and $10 of the price goes to research for your designated cause. I chose the Head&Neck Cancer one for obvious reasons.


Photo from website.

It says "be brave" and it is the sentiment I need right now.

While in Nashville awaiting the doctor's appointment, I received an email from Meredith telling me I had won her April Chocolate yarn giveaway. Happy, happy, happy. Four skeins of Manos del Uruguay, Pure Peruvian Cotton Kettle Dyed yarn and a beautiful Brittany birch wood crochet hook in size J.

These pictures don't do the yarn or the other items justice.

The package came today while I was out getting some papers signed and running other errands. It was a comedy of errors! I had scheduled a package to be picked up for my Georgia grandbabies which was inside
the mailbox. UPS had left this package wrapped in plastic on one of the flowers pots beside the mailbox. Before I could get my things inside and get back out to get the package, the mail ran. Yep, you guessed it.....she picked up both the package inside the mailbox and the one beside the mailbox. I had no idea who the package was from as the Hubbs had an order he was expecting also. So I got online, got the number for our local post office (For some strange reason, the number for the local office is not listed?????) and gave them a call. I explained what had happened and asked her where I could get the package. She laughed and said she would contact the carrier and have her bring it back, which she did. She kept apologizing, but I told her it wasn't a problem. When I got the plastic off and realized it was my package from Meredith, I let out a whoop!!! See that beautiful yarn and look! Flamingo suckers! Aren't they cute!?!?! She also included a KeyLime chocolate bar! One of those suckers and that chocolate bar is going to Nashville with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MEREDITH!

We are going down Wednesday to spend the night since the trip so hard on both Mom and I. I need to get things done such as packing, paying bills, gathering crochet and cross stitch projects to keep me busy and other various items as the pop in my head. I have a list and I'm slowly marking things off.

So I will be back after the surgery to let you know how things went. I've not decided yet whether I'm taking my laptop with me or not. If I don't, I will be by to visit when I'm back home. Thank you all again for your comments. Please remember us on Thursday.