Final

Sorry I've been away so long. I planned on trying to do a blog every week to get back in the swing of things, but as you can see, that didn't happen. It's been mostly good days here but the roller coaster is still in full swing.

I got a phone call Friday afternoon telling me Mom's marker had been set. I thanked the lady, hung up and burst into tears. I had one of those deep, hard sobbing cries that come from way down inside your heart. You never know when something is going to hit you like that and I was surprised. But nothing could stop the tears. This meant it was final. A marker giving Mom's name and dates of birth and death puts final to everything.

I had known I would go to the cemetery when I knew the marker had been placed so I gathered up my purse and keys and headed out. The Hubs was on vacation Friday and was mowing the yard; I stopped him to tell him where I was going and he offered to go with me. But I thought I wanted to be by myself so I thanked him and told him no.

Mom's church sits on a lovely piece of property that juts out into the lake. The church and cemetery are on top and the three sides slope down to the lake. It is very quiet there and with fall coming, it is serene. I had sent a text to my Aunt Kat telling her about the marker and since she was heading in that direction, she went by to see it and sent me a text back telling me it looked really good.

It takes about 20 minutes, sometimes a little longer, to get to the church from my end of the county and on the drive, I managed to get the tears under control only to have them burst back at random times. At the cemetery, I walked over and was hit with another round of hard tears. Seeing the marker put it all into place. It's almost like I've been living in a fantasy land, not quite believing that it's true, yet knowing Mom is gone. The marker made it final. Made it the end. I don't know how long I stood there and cried. I finally sent a text to my aunt and she came back to be with me. After a good, long cry in her arms, we walked back and visited one more time. We discussed new flowers for the stone and since Sunday was homecoming at the church, I decided to get them right away and place them on Saturday.

The weekend has not been very productive as I've not had the energy or the desire to do much. My sister came up today to visit the cemetery. She came to the house and we had another long cry. I asked her why she didn't call me so I could meet her there and she wouldn't have had to be by herself, but she said she wanted that time alone. I understand. Sometimes, it's better to do the hard part by yourself and then reach out for comfort afterwards.

The flowers are much brighter and look better than the photo shows. There are mostly oranges and yellows with some fall leaves thrown in.

I hope this post isn't too much of a sad bit. I use my blog to record my feelings about things that happen in my life and this just had to be said. 

I want to thank each one of your for your kind, caring comments. I know I will get through this but it's just going to take time. It's the little things now that grab me. Like her little pig she had in her car. Mom loved pigs, the uglier, the better. I have named this little one, Maggie (a name my mother hated, by the way) and she sits up on the dash in the defrost grill so she can see where we are going. I cried the first couple of times when I got in the truck and saw her, but now I have a smile for her.

Take care, my dear bloggy friends. I hope you each have a wonderful week filled with joy, laughter and love.

Hugs,

Sharon