Sunday, June 28, 2015

One Year

Friday marked one year since my Mom passed away. The week was harder than I truly expected. I had already planned on taking the day for reflection and time for me. But the loss is just as sharp as if it was happening now.

My Mom was an amazing woman. She was so outgoing and had such a zest for life. She was always ready to go on an adventure and never met anyone she couldn't talk to. Her smile was so open and friendly, people just naturally gravitated to her. She looked for the humor in all things.

She had a hard time when she had to move from the home she had known for over 30 years and never quite reconciled to living with my aunt. I am still going thru boxes from her room. She didn't get rid of much. It was as if, by having everything around her, she still had some independence. I think that's what upset her the most, not having that freedom to do as she pleased. While she was not a prisoner, she seemed to feel that living in someone else's home made her less in some way.

Watching her give up her independence a little at a time as she got sicker and weaker hurt so much. I was guilty of trying to do too much many times until I realized that I was denying her the right to make her own decisions. I wanted to take away that necessity of thinking and planning and all that goes with a serious illness so she could concentrate on getting better. I overstepped my bounds often, I think. It was done with love and I think she knew that but having been so independent, especially since my Father's death, she was unused to not having control.

Mom was a caregiver. She was the oldest of 10 children and she was expected to take care of the younger ones when my grandparents were busy with the farm or gone to the store. At 10 years old, she was taking care of babies. The last 2 were born after she married, but by then, she had me to take care of.

As she got older, she became the one who stepped in when someone was sick. She and her sisters took care of Grandpa and Granny as they aged. She was there when my aunt passed away from cancer, helping her brother and nephews. She was there when my uncle passed away from cancer, helping her sister, niece and nephew. She visited my uncle in the nursing home weekly and took water, tissues, etc. She also bought clothes and did laundry when he needed it. He is having trouble with his memory now and occasionally will ask my aunt Katheryn how Mrs. Broyles is doing. He always called Mom, Mrs. Broyles. My aunt will remind him that she passed away and he will say something like yes, I remember.

I was prepared for a really bad day on Friday since the 2 weeks before had been rough. I found myself reliving the journey from news of the tumor to the final hours daily. However, by Friday, I felt a peace and a calmness I wasn't expecting. I had good memories rolling around in my head and my heart was full of love. I think this is Mom's legacy to me; to allow the pain to run its course and then to be filled with love.

Mom, I miss you every day.

13 comments:

  1. This is beautiful and a wonderful tribute to your Mom, especially for those of us who didn't know her personally. I hope you continue to feel peace during the days ahead of you.
    Blessings,
    Betsy

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    1. Thank you, Betsy. I wasn't sure I could post this but the more I wrote the easier it got. Hugs to you, dear friend.

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  2. Thank you for helping me know your mom through your loving memories, Sharon. As I read your words that celebrate her life I felt myself encouraged to follow her good example by trying to care for those around me, generously and with good humor. xx

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    1. My Mom would have been honored that she inspired you to do this. I only hope that now and in the years to come, I can follow her example and care for my family like she did. Hugs,

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  3. Bless your heart my friend, not an easy anniversary that is for sure. I am glad your memories are so full of joy, she sounds like an amazing woman.
    Sending you a hug,
    Meredith

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    1. Thank you, Meredith. She was truly an amazing woman. Hugs to you, my dear friend.

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  4. Goodness, I can't believe it has already been a year. Your writing is so beautiful Sharon. Your mom sounds like she was a really wonderful lady and loss is so difficult. I'm glad you managed to find some peace. Blessings, Tammy

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  5. I honesty believe reliving the good memories are the tribute to a loved one. Time dulls the pain which never totally leaves us but then that is because we loved them so much. You have such happy memories of your mother and I can hear your admiration for her in your words!! She must have been a wonderful person. Enjoy those memories and share with your grandchildren who one day will pass it along to theirs...in this way she will always be with you and your family :-)

    Hugs

    Amanda xx

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  6. Dear Friend,
    Please forgive my lateness here. I would have loved to have known your mother and I know she would have been such an inspiration for me and a true guiding presence. I do understand how difficult this year has been...loss such as this is something you don't get over, but you do get through and are then filled with the good memories and can feel the love that still comes from her who planted those seeds of love within you.
    May you be comforted and strengthened each day as you honor your beloved mother.
    Love to you, Ellen.

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  7. I've had this post open in my browser for weeks, trying to decide what to say. I don't know anything to say other than I love you, Mom. <3

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  8. I know the pain of losing your Mother. I lost mine 25 years ago and it took me 5 years to get over the pain. I still miss her but I am able to find joy in the wonderful memories now! It does get easier!

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