Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Black Cloud

There won't be any photos in this post. I just have to walk my way through some things and want to get it out.

I had to check the calendar on Friday to make sure it wasn't the 13th. While I'm not superstitious, having been born on the 13th, there was bad news crawling out of the woodwork on that day. I felt like I was a magnet for sad news and that I had a black cloud floating over my head like the cartoons I use to watch.

The day started off basically as a good day. I was out and about doing errands and having a decent day. I stopped by a local florist shop owned by the wife and daughter of a dear old friend of mine. I found out that the bladder cancer he had a couple of years ago has returned and will be having surgery again on the 28th. This dear man is in his late 80's or early 90's and has always been a sweetheart. I use to do the books for him when he owned a real estate agency and we became really good friends. He never sees me without giving me a hug and telling me he loves me. This news really shook me.

One of my very best friends has been in Knoxville for a couple of weeks now with her son. He has had a re-occurrence of leukemia which he has been in remission from for almost a year. He has had 8 rounds of chemo and is really have a rough time. He's having chest pains which they have finally traced to a pulmonary embolism and he's having to have blood and platelets every day. The next step is a bone marrow transplant and he will be in total isolation while he has some intense chemo. He is only 21 and he really doesn't know if he wants to go through the transplant. His mother is beside herself with fear. I talked to her Friday and felt so helpless because all I could do was listen and cry with her.

I had to go to the post office after hanging up from talking to my friend. I had bought some movies for her son and needed to get them mailed to him. While there, the clerk told me that another friend who works at the post office was getting a divorce. He came home one day about 7 weeks ago and the house was cleaned out. This was a second marriage for them both. They had been married several years ago and divorced but got back together again.

I came home and just sat down and cried. It seemed like all the bad news was hitting me at once and I just didn't think I could stand it anymore. I had a good cry and then decided I needed some thread therapy. I went to the local cross stitch shop to pick up the fabric for my grandson's birth sampler and spent some time talking with the owner. She made me laugh which I desparately needed. I found a chart for a plastic canvas thing. The design is a log cabin and uses Caron Watercolor threads which I have fallen in love with. I definitely didn't need another project but I just could pass this up. I left the shop with a smile and feeling a little better but still with my friends' problems on my mind.

Then Friday night, I got an email from my son who is 33. He had an ASD (atrial septral defect) repair when he was 3 and a mitral valve replacement and pacemaker insertion when he was 14. He is now married and has 3 children. He had talked to me earlier about some leakage around the mitral valve replacement and had to have a transesophagal echo (TEE, he had to swallow a probe with very little sedation) on Friday to get good photos of the problem. Now he will have to have surgery or rather a catherization to implant devices to fix the leak.

Needless to say, this sent me over the edge again and today I have just been a zombie. I've managed to get the laundry done but not put away. I've cross stitched a little bit, crocheted a little bit, tried to read. Nothing has kept my attention for very long today.

Thanks for letting me get this all out. Sometimes it just helps to get it down and see it in black and white. I can't fix any of these problems but I can be a friend and a mother and listen and love. I'm sorry this hasn't been an upbeat post. I am usually a very happy person. I try to see the upside in things, the silver lining as it were. But that darn black cloud has decided to take up residence for a while and I'll just have to wait for a good wind health and healing to blow it away.

Thank you for stopping by.



  1. Oh Sharon, I'm so sorry about this cloud of woe. It's very hard to see the ones we love suffering. I think you've got the right idea when you say, "I can't fix any of these problems but I can be a friend and a mother and listen and love."

    Saying a prayer for you and for all of these struggling folks, and sending you hugs.

  2. Well we all have these days and it is bound to get you down. Writing is such a great therapy... it doesn't take the bad stuff away but sometimes helps you see that you can't really do anything about any of it except be there for those who need a shoulder and an ear, and to send out healing thoughts/prayer whichever is your thing.
    I have had to swallow that probe.... no anaesthesia at all!! Not nice, is putting it mildly! And trying not to think about the next one.
    You will bounce back from this black dog day and have friends around and in the blogging world, to help.
    Take care x

  3. There are days like these that come to us.....that are so difficult to handle.....that make one wonder. There are days when we think perhaps if we go back to bed it will all go away and tomorrow will be a better day.
    That doesn’t work.
    People would say this is life and it is!
    This does not make the pain go away.
    Dear Sharon it has to be endured but nature is wise and we are allowed to cry ,we are allowed to confide in others and we are allowed to seek comfort.
    You are going it the right way…cry it releases stress,talk about it……and blog …..we will comfort you!

    Thinking of you.

    Amanda xx

  4. Poor you!I am thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way.XX

  5. I hope you know, however, how much just listening and crying with someone gives them. I can tell you it is worth a great deal. I am sorry for your cloud, but I hope you know that you bring light to those around you.