So here I am once again having not posted in almost a month. This business of being easy with the shoulder is for the birds. I would love to say I have spent this time cross stitching and crocheting but alas, I have not. I've spent a lot of time in the recliner but it was mostly to rest my back and baby the shoulder. I've read quite a bit but I have no photos of the books.
I finished "Dark Places" by Gillian Flynn. I really like this one. The first one I read, "Gone Girl" was okay in parts and I'm glad I did read it but boy did she knock it out of the park with "Dark Places". I now have "Sharp Objects" to read after Christmas and I hope it doesn't disappoint. I have read the books in reverse of publication but they aren't tied to each other so that doesn't matter.
I am also reading and finishing up "The Outlander" by Diana Gabaldon. I have this one on my Kindle and I'm loving it. I have the second one in the series ready to go when I finish. I love anything about Scotland and early England. Historical fiction is one of my most favorite genres.
That's about the limit of my news. The Hubs and I did spend the last two weekends working on moving things out of the office so I can have an office/craft room. I'm getting really excited about that. It will to be so nice to have everything in one spot. I'll post pics when we finish.
We are getting together with family on the Saturday after Christmas and I am so looking forward to having all my chicks together under one roof again. This Grammy/Mimi is so excited to see the Grands and their Mamas and Dadas. My daughter and son along with their wonderful mates have gifted me with 4 grandchildren whom I adore to the ends of the universe. I probably won't be able to move for a few days after Saturday and may even have to spend some time in bed but oh, what a wonderful reason.
I hope each of you has a wonderful Christmas or Hanukkah or however you celebrate the season. Even if you don't, I hope this time of year is a happy one for you. It is so hard to believe that another year is ending. Time seems to fly by faster and faster as I get older. I am trying very hard to enjoy every minute of it, even though the body sometimes tries to interfere.
Thank you all for being a part of my life this year. I have been so blessed with wonderful friends who I most likely will never meet but who have shown me love and compassion. Your wonderful comments, thoughts and emails have been so comforting this year. I hope in some small way I have returned the love I have felt from each of you.
Hugs,
Sharon
Monday, December 22, 2014
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Hey-ho!
I think I need to prioritize some things in my life. Having had a really bad episode with my left shoulder this weekend, I realize that a few things I wanted to do for Christmas are not going to get done. I need to rest my shoulder and, I guess, baby it until after the first of the year, then go see the orthopedist. This is not something I want to do because as the pain episodes increase so does the likelihood that I will have to have the shoulder replaced. He and I have had several conversations about this replacement and he told me he would wait from me to decide. He also said I would know when it was time. I'm starting to think that maybe that time is here.
I have a very high pain level tolerance and can usually handle any pain my body dishes out. However, Saturday, I was in tears and that is no way to live. I also want to try to get through Christmas because for several years, I was having surgery right at Christmas. It became a running joke as to what I was going to have worked on each year.
I may not post much between now and after the first of the year but I will still be reading your blogs and keeping up with you, my friends. Visiting with you makes me happy.
I do need to tell you about our Thanksgiving. Being the first one without Mom, I didn't know how I would handle it but being with my sister and her family and with my daughter, son-in-law and Jellybean made it easy. It is so hard to believe that Jellybean is almost 22 months old. He is growing so fast and turning into a little boy. He is putting sentences together, knows several colors, can do his ABC's with a little help and can count, again with a little help. He is communicating so much better although there is still a lot of babble that Mimi doesn't understand. But to walk in and have him say, "Hi, Mimi" just makes my heart so happy. Of course, right after that he started looking for Papaw. He loves his Papaw so much. Mimi holds him and reads book but Papaw gets down in the floor and plays with him and takes him for walks. He absolutely loves being outside.
That's my niece, Emalee, sitting on the fireplace. She loves kids and was so good about watching him and playing with him. Abby and Doug spent the night with my sister and Emalee had James all to herself the next morning. I think they read every book he had with them! *smile*
I also realize in looking back at my posts that I didn't tell you about my trip to GA at the end of October to visit the grands. My son and his family bought a new house last December and it this was the first time I had been down to visit. AND, I have my own bedroom on the first floor with a full bath. YAY! Stairs are my enemy now so being able to have this is so nice.
I spent 5 days with my sweeties and loved every minute of it. Talk about kids growing, Ella will be six on Tuesday and Lilly will be 4 on the 10th. Eli's birthday is in February and he will be 3. Yikes! Where does the time go? Ella is in kindergarten and she loves it. I'm so glad. She and I did a little game where I spelled the word and she sounded it out. She got every one of them. These kids are so adorable and I really wish I could see them more.
Here are some pics I made while I was done there. I didn't get as many as I should have but I was having too much fun playing and spending time with them.
I have a very high pain level tolerance and can usually handle any pain my body dishes out. However, Saturday, I was in tears and that is no way to live. I also want to try to get through Christmas because for several years, I was having surgery right at Christmas. It became a running joke as to what I was going to have worked on each year.
I may not post much between now and after the first of the year but I will still be reading your blogs and keeping up with you, my friends. Visiting with you makes me happy.
I do need to tell you about our Thanksgiving. Being the first one without Mom, I didn't know how I would handle it but being with my sister and her family and with my daughter, son-in-law and Jellybean made it easy. It is so hard to believe that Jellybean is almost 22 months old. He is growing so fast and turning into a little boy. He is putting sentences together, knows several colors, can do his ABC's with a little help and can count, again with a little help. He is communicating so much better although there is still a lot of babble that Mimi doesn't understand. But to walk in and have him say, "Hi, Mimi" just makes my heart so happy. Of course, right after that he started looking for Papaw. He loves his Papaw so much. Mimi holds him and reads book but Papaw gets down in the floor and plays with him and takes him for walks. He absolutely loves being outside.
That's my niece, Emalee, sitting on the fireplace. She loves kids and was so good about watching him and playing with him. Abby and Doug spent the night with my sister and Emalee had James all to herself the next morning. I think they read every book he had with them! *smile*
I also realize in looking back at my posts that I didn't tell you about my trip to GA at the end of October to visit the grands. My son and his family bought a new house last December and it this was the first time I had been down to visit. AND, I have my own bedroom on the first floor with a full bath. YAY! Stairs are my enemy now so being able to have this is so nice.
I spent 5 days with my sweeties and loved every minute of it. Talk about kids growing, Ella will be six on Tuesday and Lilly will be 4 on the 10th. Eli's birthday is in February and he will be 3. Yikes! Where does the time go? Ella is in kindergarten and she loves it. I'm so glad. She and I did a little game where I spelled the word and she sounded it out. She got every one of them. These kids are so adorable and I really wish I could see them more.
Here are some pics I made while I was done there. I didn't get as many as I should have but I was having too much fun playing and spending time with them.
Miss Ella, concentrating on her paints.
Miss Lilly
And Sir Eli, messy!
Eli had paint all over himself, on the table and somehow, managed to get it in Lilly's hair. This kiddo is something else. He is the spitting image of my son at that age.
And one more. This is the kiddos Halloween costumes. We went to the Trunk or Treat at their church. Eli wouldn't come into the photo because the leaves were getting in his shoes and he was unhappy. Each year they come up with a theme that the whole family can dress up as. This year it was Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-man and Inky, Pinky and Clyde.
Okay, I'll stop now. I need to go rest my shoulder and think about trying to cross stitch a little bit. The bad thing is that it hurts to cross stitch much and crocheting in out of the question. Oh well, such is life and life moves on.
As always, thank you for stopping by to visit.
Hugs,
Sharon
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Here I am
I have decided that I need to quit makings plans and just go with the flow. I had all these plans to take photos of my projects and of the sweet parcel I received from Amanda of Crafty in the Med. Have I done any of it? Nope, nope and nope. I have so much whirling around in my head that I can't seem to settle and get anything done.
The cold weather has been terrible. Yesterday (Monday) it was rainy and cold and that makes me hurt all over. I had some errands to run so I bundled up and tried to get them done. However, the truck had other ideas. The battery had given up the ghost so I stayed home. I think the truck was smarter than me. Then today I got up to snow, just a light dusting, but snow never the less. BRRRRR. It never got above freezing all day. The Hubs put a new battery on the truck last night and again, I was set to go do my errands but one of the people I was planning to see called and said he was going to the doctor because he was sick. So I did what any sensible little old lady who hates cold weather would do....I went back to bed. LOL
The Hubs has been the lucky recipient of all this staying home. I've actually cooked a meal both Monday and Tuesday. Bless his heart, he never knows when there going to be hot food or when he will need to dive into the freezer to fix himself something. It keeps him on his toes and off center so he's always happy when the meal appears.
Tomorrow, the weather is suppose to be better with highs in the 40's so once again, I'm going to try to get those errands done. Then I will try, try, try to get the camera out and do the photo shoot and be back for another post. I thought I would let you know so you won't be shocked to see two posts in one month. Now I just have to put my money where my mouth is!
Take care, dear friends. Thank you for being my bloggy friends and for caring about me.
Hugs,
Sharon
The cold weather has been terrible. Yesterday (Monday) it was rainy and cold and that makes me hurt all over. I had some errands to run so I bundled up and tried to get them done. However, the truck had other ideas. The battery had given up the ghost so I stayed home. I think the truck was smarter than me. Then today I got up to snow, just a light dusting, but snow never the less. BRRRRR. It never got above freezing all day. The Hubs put a new battery on the truck last night and again, I was set to go do my errands but one of the people I was planning to see called and said he was going to the doctor because he was sick. So I did what any sensible little old lady who hates cold weather would do....I went back to bed. LOL
The Hubs has been the lucky recipient of all this staying home. I've actually cooked a meal both Monday and Tuesday. Bless his heart, he never knows when there going to be hot food or when he will need to dive into the freezer to fix himself something. It keeps him on his toes and off center so he's always happy when the meal appears.
Tomorrow, the weather is suppose to be better with highs in the 40's so once again, I'm going to try to get those errands done. Then I will try, try, try to get the camera out and do the photo shoot and be back for another post. I thought I would let you know so you won't be shocked to see two posts in one month. Now I just have to put my money where my mouth is!
Take care, dear friends. Thank you for being my bloggy friends and for caring about me.
Hugs,
Sharon
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
What's Going on Around Here
It's going to be a wordy post with maybe a few photos, or not. It's been busy around here these past couple of weeks. I have been trying to get a lot of things done so I can enjoy the rest of the month. I have been trying to do some major cleaning also before winter gets here and all I want to do is cross stitch and read. It's very hard to get much done when all I can do is 15-30 minutes of work and then have to rest for at least 30 minutes. It's very annoying and breaks my rhythm. But as I keep reminding myself, at least you can do something and I try to hang on to that while I'm resting.
Last week, we got a visit from our daughter and youngest grandson. James (Jellybean) spent 3 days with us and let me tell you, that boy is a delight. He is 20 months old now (how did that happen?) and is very curious about everything. He has this little sideways glance when he knows he not suppose to do something and I can't help but laugh at him. There are certain things that I have told him not to get into and he will hunch up his shoulders and give me that sideways look and reach out and touch whatever it is with his finger. My goodness, it's hard to keep a straight face.
He got to spend a lot of time with his Papaw. He loves his Papaw so very much and Papaw enjoyed the one on one time he spent with James, or as he calls him, J.B. When they got here on Wednesday, Abby let him run around in the yard for a while because he had been cooped up in his car seat for so long. It's about a 4 hour drive and he gets tired of riding. He wanted in the swing on the front porch so we sat and swung for a few minutes. He went back out in the yard and started around the house and yelled, "Papaw!" He know his Papaw is either in the garden or in the basement most of the time. However, Papaw had to work that day so he wasn't here. I think James was disappointed.
I was one worn out Mimi on Friday afternoon but I am so glad I got to spend time with Abby and James. I love that little man and his mama! I had so much fun playing with him that I totally forgot to take any photos. Bad Mimi!
I'm also planning on going to Georgia the 24th of October to spend a few days with the GA grandbabies. The Hubs is off that next week and he doesn't want me to drive so he's taking me down and then coming home and trying to catch up on jobs he has been putting off all year. Then he will come back for me when I'm ready to come home. That will probably be Tuesday. Plans are now for me to babysit on Saturday night while Doug and Trisha go to a party. I'm a little nervous as I haven't done that for any of the grandkids all by myself. The last time I did anything like that, Mom was with me. I'm really going to miss her being with me on this trip.
The weather here has been rain, rain, rain for almost a week now. It turned cold the first week of October but warmed up the second week before the rain set in. According to the local weather guy, we have been low on rainfall for the year. I think this week of rain has caught up and then some. Today it is really windy and rainy but not too cold. My joints are sure not enjoying all this damp weather.
The Hubs and I are planning on going to Asheville, NC this weekend. We both sort of forgot our anniversary on the 6th (42 years!) and he called today and suggested a trip to make up for it. Gotta love that guy. Hopefully, all the leaves won't have blown off the trees by then. It's really pretty over there. Asheville is surrounded by mountains and the area is one of my favorite places to visit. Maybe I won't forget my camera so I can show you this great little town.
I have to tell you about my daughter's Etsy shop. It is Abby Crafty and she is putting in hand knit items and doing commission work. Right now she is doing Christmas stockings and they are beautiful. She is so talented and can do just about anything she sets her mind to. Go over and visit and while you are at it, please visit her blog. It is also called Abby Crafty. Her work is really pretty and I'm so proud of her.
Well, that about does it for me today. Hopefully, the next post will be crammed full of photos of beautiful trees and mountains. Thank you for visiting.
Hugs,
Sharon
Last week, we got a visit from our daughter and youngest grandson. James (Jellybean) spent 3 days with us and let me tell you, that boy is a delight. He is 20 months old now (how did that happen?) and is very curious about everything. He has this little sideways glance when he knows he not suppose to do something and I can't help but laugh at him. There are certain things that I have told him not to get into and he will hunch up his shoulders and give me that sideways look and reach out and touch whatever it is with his finger. My goodness, it's hard to keep a straight face.
He got to spend a lot of time with his Papaw. He loves his Papaw so very much and Papaw enjoyed the one on one time he spent with James, or as he calls him, J.B. When they got here on Wednesday, Abby let him run around in the yard for a while because he had been cooped up in his car seat for so long. It's about a 4 hour drive and he gets tired of riding. He wanted in the swing on the front porch so we sat and swung for a few minutes. He went back out in the yard and started around the house and yelled, "Papaw!" He know his Papaw is either in the garden or in the basement most of the time. However, Papaw had to work that day so he wasn't here. I think James was disappointed.
I was one worn out Mimi on Friday afternoon but I am so glad I got to spend time with Abby and James. I love that little man and his mama! I had so much fun playing with him that I totally forgot to take any photos. Bad Mimi!
I'm also planning on going to Georgia the 24th of October to spend a few days with the GA grandbabies. The Hubs is off that next week and he doesn't want me to drive so he's taking me down and then coming home and trying to catch up on jobs he has been putting off all year. Then he will come back for me when I'm ready to come home. That will probably be Tuesday. Plans are now for me to babysit on Saturday night while Doug and Trisha go to a party. I'm a little nervous as I haven't done that for any of the grandkids all by myself. The last time I did anything like that, Mom was with me. I'm really going to miss her being with me on this trip.
The weather here has been rain, rain, rain for almost a week now. It turned cold the first week of October but warmed up the second week before the rain set in. According to the local weather guy, we have been low on rainfall for the year. I think this week of rain has caught up and then some. Today it is really windy and rainy but not too cold. My joints are sure not enjoying all this damp weather.
The Hubs and I are planning on going to Asheville, NC this weekend. We both sort of forgot our anniversary on the 6th (42 years!) and he called today and suggested a trip to make up for it. Gotta love that guy. Hopefully, all the leaves won't have blown off the trees by then. It's really pretty over there. Asheville is surrounded by mountains and the area is one of my favorite places to visit. Maybe I won't forget my camera so I can show you this great little town.
I have to tell you about my daughter's Etsy shop. It is Abby Crafty and she is putting in hand knit items and doing commission work. Right now she is doing Christmas stockings and they are beautiful. She is so talented and can do just about anything she sets her mind to. Go over and visit and while you are at it, please visit her blog. It is also called Abby Crafty. Her work is really pretty and I'm so proud of her.
Well, that about does it for me today. Hopefully, the next post will be crammed full of photos of beautiful trees and mountains. Thank you for visiting.
Hugs,
Sharon
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Hi, Ya'll
Hello out there. It seems my plans have gone awry again. I truly meant to post at least once a week. However, I had another bout of RA inflammation that hindered my mobility. My hips, knees and feet seem to have a mind of their own and when they decide to act up, I don't get around very well. As I've said in the past, my grandmother was bedridden for at least the last 18 years of her life and when my legs and feet start this, I come close to panicking. Even though I have been told repeatedly by my rheumatologist to remember the advances that have been made in the last 45 years, it is still scary for me. And now I don't have my Mom to bounce these feelings off. She was the one I turned to when I became overwhelmed about RA and the one who could ease me. Now I talk to my daughter and she does a really good job. She's even told me not to worry, that they will get me a Hover-round when the time comes! My grandkids love my electric recliner; how much more would they love Grammy's scooter??
Speaking of grandkids, I am going to be lucky in October. Abby and Sweet Baby James will be coming to visit for a few days sometime the week of Oct 5th and then I'm going south see the babies in GA. The Hubs is on vacation the last week of October and he doesn't want me driving so he is going to take me and then come home and work on the ton of stuff he has going here and come back and get me when I'm ready. I'm going to be a happy Grammy for sure. I must remember to take lots and lots of photos!!
Not much crafty going on right now. Oh, I have lots and lots of projects, both counted cross stitch and crocheting but working on them isn't happening very much. I think I'll do a post on all the upcoming projects to show everyone how good I am at procrastinating. :)
I do have this to show you. Sorry for the blurry photos.
I made a baby blanket and hat for a friend's first granddaughter. The hat is a first for me. I've never made one before and I have fallen head over heels in love with it. I think I can make myself one now. Of course not in those colors but I won a give away from Meredith at Mereknits last year and it is most gorgeous chocolate yarn. I think a hat would be cute made from it. This is the yarn:
I think I can do a simple hat from this!
I also finished the mystery sampler from Lizzie*Kate from last year while Mom was sick. It seems when I am dealing with someone's illness, counted cross stitch comforts and centers me. When my Dad was in the hospital just before he passed away, I worked on a "Snow White and Seven Dwarfs" Disney piece. I put it away after Dad died and I'm not sure where it is but I do need to get it out and get it framed along with this one.
I loved working on this and can't wait until November when her newest mystery kit comes out. I have already pre-ordered it and now I have to patiently wait. BAH! I've also ordered a Halloween mystery kit from a couple of years ago to do in the meantime. And then there are Elijah's and James' birth samplers to do. See what I mean when I say "projects"!
I started a CAL about 3 weeks ago and I'm already 3 weeks behind. The 4th clue came out today and I'm just finishing the 1st one. Procrastination, thy name is Sharon. :)
I guess that's all for now. I will do my best to be back sooner and to have something worthwhile to talk about. Until then,
Hugs,
Sharon
Speaking of grandkids, I am going to be lucky in October. Abby and Sweet Baby James will be coming to visit for a few days sometime the week of Oct 5th and then I'm going south see the babies in GA. The Hubs is on vacation the last week of October and he doesn't want me driving so he is going to take me and then come home and work on the ton of stuff he has going here and come back and get me when I'm ready. I'm going to be a happy Grammy for sure. I must remember to take lots and lots of photos!!
Not much crafty going on right now. Oh, I have lots and lots of projects, both counted cross stitch and crocheting but working on them isn't happening very much. I think I'll do a post on all the upcoming projects to show everyone how good I am at procrastinating. :)
I do have this to show you. Sorry for the blurry photos.
I made a baby blanket and hat for a friend's first granddaughter. The hat is a first for me. I've never made one before and I have fallen head over heels in love with it. I think I can make myself one now. Of course not in those colors but I won a give away from Meredith at Mereknits last year and it is most gorgeous chocolate yarn. I think a hat would be cute made from it. This is the yarn:
I think I can do a simple hat from this!
I also finished the mystery sampler from Lizzie*Kate from last year while Mom was sick. It seems when I am dealing with someone's illness, counted cross stitch comforts and centers me. When my Dad was in the hospital just before he passed away, I worked on a "Snow White and Seven Dwarfs" Disney piece. I put it away after Dad died and I'm not sure where it is but I do need to get it out and get it framed along with this one.
I loved working on this and can't wait until November when her newest mystery kit comes out. I have already pre-ordered it and now I have to patiently wait. BAH! I've also ordered a Halloween mystery kit from a couple of years ago to do in the meantime. And then there are Elijah's and James' birth samplers to do. See what I mean when I say "projects"!
I started a CAL about 3 weeks ago and I'm already 3 weeks behind. The 4th clue came out today and I'm just finishing the 1st one. Procrastination, thy name is Sharon. :)
I guess that's all for now. I will do my best to be back sooner and to have something worthwhile to talk about. Until then,
Hugs,
Sharon
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Final
Sorry I've been away so long. I planned on trying to do a blog every week to get back in the swing of things, but as you can see, that didn't happen. It's been mostly good days here but the roller coaster is still in full swing.
I got a phone call Friday afternoon telling me Mom's marker had been set. I thanked the lady, hung up and burst into tears. I had one of those deep, hard sobbing cries that come from way down inside your heart. You never know when something is going to hit you like that and I was surprised. But nothing could stop the tears. This meant it was final. A marker giving Mom's name and dates of birth and death puts final to everything.
I had known I would go to the cemetery when I knew the marker had been placed so I gathered up my purse and keys and headed out. The Hubs was on vacation Friday and was mowing the yard; I stopped him to tell him where I was going and he offered to go with me. But I thought I wanted to be by myself so I thanked him and told him no.
Mom's church sits on a lovely piece of property that juts out into the lake. The church and cemetery are on top and the three sides slope down to the lake. It is very quiet there and with fall coming, it is serene. I had sent a text to my Aunt Kat telling her about the marker and since she was heading in that direction, she went by to see it and sent me a text back telling me it looked really good.
It takes about 20 minutes, sometimes a little longer, to get to the church from my end of the county and on the drive, I managed to get the tears under control only to have them burst back at random times. At the cemetery, I walked over and was hit with another round of hard tears. Seeing the marker put it all into place. It's almost like I've been living in a fantasy land, not quite believing that it's true, yet knowing Mom is gone. The marker made it final. Made it the end. I don't know how long I stood there and cried. I finally sent a text to my aunt and she came back to be with me. After a good, long cry in her arms, we walked back and visited one more time. We discussed new flowers for the stone and since Sunday was homecoming at the church, I decided to get them right away and place them on Saturday.
The weekend has not been very productive as I've not had the energy or the desire to do much. My sister came up today to visit the cemetery. She came to the house and we had another long cry. I asked her why she didn't call me so I could meet her there and she wouldn't have had to be by herself, but she said she wanted that time alone. I understand. Sometimes, it's better to do the hard part by yourself and then reach out for comfort afterwards.
I got a phone call Friday afternoon telling me Mom's marker had been set. I thanked the lady, hung up and burst into tears. I had one of those deep, hard sobbing cries that come from way down inside your heart. You never know when something is going to hit you like that and I was surprised. But nothing could stop the tears. This meant it was final. A marker giving Mom's name and dates of birth and death puts final to everything.
I had known I would go to the cemetery when I knew the marker had been placed so I gathered up my purse and keys and headed out. The Hubs was on vacation Friday and was mowing the yard; I stopped him to tell him where I was going and he offered to go with me. But I thought I wanted to be by myself so I thanked him and told him no.
Mom's church sits on a lovely piece of property that juts out into the lake. The church and cemetery are on top and the three sides slope down to the lake. It is very quiet there and with fall coming, it is serene. I had sent a text to my Aunt Kat telling her about the marker and since she was heading in that direction, she went by to see it and sent me a text back telling me it looked really good.
It takes about 20 minutes, sometimes a little longer, to get to the church from my end of the county and on the drive, I managed to get the tears under control only to have them burst back at random times. At the cemetery, I walked over and was hit with another round of hard tears. Seeing the marker put it all into place. It's almost like I've been living in a fantasy land, not quite believing that it's true, yet knowing Mom is gone. The marker made it final. Made it the end. I don't know how long I stood there and cried. I finally sent a text to my aunt and she came back to be with me. After a good, long cry in her arms, we walked back and visited one more time. We discussed new flowers for the stone and since Sunday was homecoming at the church, I decided to get them right away and place them on Saturday.
The weekend has not been very productive as I've not had the energy or the desire to do much. My sister came up today to visit the cemetery. She came to the house and we had another long cry. I asked her why she didn't call me so I could meet her there and she wouldn't have had to be by herself, but she said she wanted that time alone. I understand. Sometimes, it's better to do the hard part by yourself and then reach out for comfort afterwards.
The flowers are much brighter and look better than the photo shows. There are mostly oranges and yellows with some fall leaves thrown in.
I hope this post isn't too much of a sad bit. I use my blog to record my feelings about things that happen in my life and this just had to be said.
I want to thank each one of your for your kind, caring comments. I know I will get through this but it's just going to take time. It's the little things now that grab me. Like her little pig she had in her car. Mom loved pigs, the uglier, the better. I have named this little one, Maggie (a name my mother hated, by the way) and she sits up on the dash in the defrost grill so she can see where we are going. I cried the first couple of times when I got in the truck and saw her, but now I have a smile for her.
Take care, my dear bloggy friends. I hope you each have a wonderful week filled with joy, laughter and love.
Hugs,
Sharon
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Away From the Dark Side
Dear bloggy friends. I have been here several times over the past few weeks but there were no words in my head or heart to put down. I have been in a deep, dark place that not only was filled with depression and sadness, but pain and weakness. Losing Mom has to be one the hardest thing I have ever experienced. There was such a feeling of no feeling, if that makes any sense. I didn't "feel". I was just dead inside, like there was a big empty hole inside me and nothing could ever fill it up again. There were days when I didn't even get out of bed. I wanted nothing to eat and wanted no one around. I slept and slept and slept because there was nothing else in my world to do.
I also managed to develop a bladder infection and to have my RA get way out of control. The bladder infection was taken care of by antibiotics and now, after 3 weeks, my RA is starting to get back under control. I have moments of weakness and get so tired so easily but my old friend, "No Sleep", is back for a visit and the nights get long.
The whole time Mom was ill and slowly fading away, I told myself I was ready to let her go. I told myself that it would be better for her and that was all that was important. I forgot that it wouldn't be better for me. I forgot that I need my Mom all the time and now that she's not here, I don't have that motherly love to lean on. My family has been wonderful, checking on me, helping me out and doing what they can, but this journey is one I really have to take by myself. There are days when all I do is cry and then there are days when I smile because I know Mom is where she should be and she's watching over me. Now, six weeks after she left us, I can see a glimmer of a light at the end of the tunnel. My husband asked me last night how long the tunnel was and I told me that I felt like it was as long as my life but I am going to come out the other side. I have grandbabies to visit and books to read and crafts to do. Life has to be better than what I have been through this month and a half.
I spent yesterday re-reading my blogs and your comments through Mom's journey. I wouldn't trade those blogs for anything. They are a reminder of what we went through and of how strong my Mom was. She has always amazed me in her strength and this was no different. My sister and I have been paying off bills and settling accounts. My Mom, who only worked a short amount of time in her life, managed none the less to have enough money saved to pay for her final expenses. Mom could find a bargain with the best of anyone and she scrimped and saved when my Dad passed away to make sure my sister had what she needed. Mom was 49 and my sister was 11 when Dad died. There was some money for a while from social security but that didn't last long. My sister never wanted for anything that she truly needed and even went to college and earned a degree in aerospace engineering. All because Mom worked hard to keep expenses low so the money was there. Granted, Stacey got funding but that doesn't pay all the bills. I am in awe of my Mom. I will never, ever reach her level of parenting and caring. She took care of everyone, not just our family, but her brothers and sisters and friends.
Thank you, my dear, wonderful bloggy friends, for everything through this time. I have leaned so much on your kind comments. As the light keeps getting brighter, I hope to be back blogging on a regular basis and cross stitching and crocheting and catching up on all of your blogs. I am woefully behind on that but I'm working on it. :)
Hugs to you all,
Love,
Sharon
I also managed to develop a bladder infection and to have my RA get way out of control. The bladder infection was taken care of by antibiotics and now, after 3 weeks, my RA is starting to get back under control. I have moments of weakness and get so tired so easily but my old friend, "No Sleep", is back for a visit and the nights get long.
The whole time Mom was ill and slowly fading away, I told myself I was ready to let her go. I told myself that it would be better for her and that was all that was important. I forgot that it wouldn't be better for me. I forgot that I need my Mom all the time and now that she's not here, I don't have that motherly love to lean on. My family has been wonderful, checking on me, helping me out and doing what they can, but this journey is one I really have to take by myself. There are days when all I do is cry and then there are days when I smile because I know Mom is where she should be and she's watching over me. Now, six weeks after she left us, I can see a glimmer of a light at the end of the tunnel. My husband asked me last night how long the tunnel was and I told me that I felt like it was as long as my life but I am going to come out the other side. I have grandbabies to visit and books to read and crafts to do. Life has to be better than what I have been through this month and a half.
I spent yesterday re-reading my blogs and your comments through Mom's journey. I wouldn't trade those blogs for anything. They are a reminder of what we went through and of how strong my Mom was. She has always amazed me in her strength and this was no different. My sister and I have been paying off bills and settling accounts. My Mom, who only worked a short amount of time in her life, managed none the less to have enough money saved to pay for her final expenses. Mom could find a bargain with the best of anyone and she scrimped and saved when my Dad passed away to make sure my sister had what she needed. Mom was 49 and my sister was 11 when Dad died. There was some money for a while from social security but that didn't last long. My sister never wanted for anything that she truly needed and even went to college and earned a degree in aerospace engineering. All because Mom worked hard to keep expenses low so the money was there. Granted, Stacey got funding but that doesn't pay all the bills. I am in awe of my Mom. I will never, ever reach her level of parenting and caring. She took care of everyone, not just our family, but her brothers and sisters and friends.
Thank you, my dear, wonderful bloggy friends, for everything through this time. I have leaned so much on your kind comments. As the light keeps getting brighter, I hope to be back blogging on a regular basis and cross stitching and crocheting and catching up on all of your blogs. I am woefully behind on that but I'm working on it. :)
Hugs to you all,
Love,
Sharon
Friday, June 27, 2014
The battle is over
I wanted to let all of you know that Mom passed away last night, Thursday, June 26. She is finally at peace and I am happy with that. I will miss her every day of the rest of my life.
I will be back later to let you know more but I did want to thank each of you who left commments. I will never be able to tell you how much that meant to me and how much it helped during this time. I send my love to each of you.
Hugs,
Sharon
I will be back later to let you know more but I did want to thank each of you who left commments. I will never be able to tell you how much that meant to me and how much it helped during this time. I send my love to each of you.
Hugs,
Sharon
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Update
Just dropping by to update you on Mom. She is declining and getting weaker each day. She is now on oxygen and last night agreed to a hospital bed. Bless her sweet heart, she has been trying to avoid both of these as I know she views them as letting go of independence. My Mom has always been very independent and has not wanted others to do for her. I know that having to give in to these things was a hard decision for her but I hope that by doing so, she will rest better.
After the bed was brought in and set up and we got her back into it, she did go to sleep and slept for about an hour really well. That has become the routine, sleep an hour, wake up, use the bathroom, go back to sleep, etc.
Last night she was annoyed with her TV remote. It is getting hard for her to push the buttons; she doesn't have a lot of strength left and she kept turning the volume WAY up and then back down and occasionally change the channel. I asked if I could help her and she told me no, that she could do it. I leave her be when she's trying to do stuff because I know she needs to do as much for herself as she can but sometimes it does get comical. When I looked up again, she had the remote turned over and was trying to take the battery cover off. I reminded her that we had put a new battery in it on Monday and she said that she knew that, she just wanted to make sure it was still in there. If you don't laugh, you cry.
Before I left last night, she was looking for something beside the bed. I got up and asked her what she was looking for. She told me she wanted that thing with the leg brace. Now this is a new one on me since we have nothing there with a leg brace. I went to get my Aunt and told her what was going on. We both went back and asked her again what she wanted. I gave her the remote for the bed and after raising and lowering the foot part a couple of times, she said that wasn't what she was looking for. She said, "I want that thing that has one button on it for the leg brace!". Then she laid back down and said, "I'll show you tomorrow."
The frustration is evident in everything she tries and she is confused a lot now. It is really hard watching her go from the vital, in control woman she has always been to this weak, confused little woman who needs to be helped with almost everything. However, I have a sense of calm about me. I have accepted that the end is near and in doing so, I am at peace. There has been such a feeling of peace and calmness this week. I am so very thankful that she isn't in any pain and that for the most part, she is still lucid and knows who everyone is and what is going on.
Thank you, all my bloggy friends, for all your kinds thoughts and words during this time. They have been a comfort to me. I'll be back when I can. I am working on some cross stitch and reading a lot while sitting with Mom.
Hugs,
Sharon
After the bed was brought in and set up and we got her back into it, she did go to sleep and slept for about an hour really well. That has become the routine, sleep an hour, wake up, use the bathroom, go back to sleep, etc.
Last night she was annoyed with her TV remote. It is getting hard for her to push the buttons; she doesn't have a lot of strength left and she kept turning the volume WAY up and then back down and occasionally change the channel. I asked if I could help her and she told me no, that she could do it. I leave her be when she's trying to do stuff because I know she needs to do as much for herself as she can but sometimes it does get comical. When I looked up again, she had the remote turned over and was trying to take the battery cover off. I reminded her that we had put a new battery in it on Monday and she said that she knew that, she just wanted to make sure it was still in there. If you don't laugh, you cry.
Before I left last night, she was looking for something beside the bed. I got up and asked her what she was looking for. She told me she wanted that thing with the leg brace. Now this is a new one on me since we have nothing there with a leg brace. I went to get my Aunt and told her what was going on. We both went back and asked her again what she wanted. I gave her the remote for the bed and after raising and lowering the foot part a couple of times, she said that wasn't what she was looking for. She said, "I want that thing that has one button on it for the leg brace!". Then she laid back down and said, "I'll show you tomorrow."
The frustration is evident in everything she tries and she is confused a lot now. It is really hard watching her go from the vital, in control woman she has always been to this weak, confused little woman who needs to be helped with almost everything. However, I have a sense of calm about me. I have accepted that the end is near and in doing so, I am at peace. There has been such a feeling of peace and calmness this week. I am so very thankful that she isn't in any pain and that for the most part, she is still lucid and knows who everyone is and what is going on.
Thank you, all my bloggy friends, for all your kinds thoughts and words during this time. They have been a comfort to me. I'll be back when I can. I am working on some cross stitch and reading a lot while sitting with Mom.
Hugs,
Sharon
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Things that go whirrrrr in the night
I've not been sleeping well lately. It's hard to turn my mind off at night and for some reason, when it's dark all I can do is stare at the ceiling and think. I have no problem sleeping during the day so after a sleepless Friday night, I decided to turn on the light in the bedroom and see if I could simulate daylight. It worked! I fell asleep and was sleeping so well when something woke me up around 1 AM.
I listened and I could hear something clattering. I couldn't tell exactly where it was coming from but I knew it was in the house. So I got up and listened again. I turned off the light, thinking maybe the fan was making a noise. The clattering continued. I opened the door and the clattering was louder. Since the Hubbs sleeps in another room, I thought maybe it was him snoring. Nope, he's sleeping peacefully and quietly.
I stepped into the hall and again, the clattering got louder. So I slowly walked down the hallway trying to find the source of this noise. It was driving me crazy and I knew I wouldn't be going back to sleep as long as I didn't know what was causing it.
It seemed to be loudest in the hall bath so I stepped inside and turn the light switch on and off. No difference. I unplugged my toothbrush. No difference. I opened the upper cabinet door and bingo, loud clattering. I listened and listened and couldn't find the source. The clattering would get quieter and then louder. I thought maybe something was between the walls. Maybe a woodpecker?????
I decided I needed help so I woke the Hubbs and told him I needed him to listen to something. Now waking the Hubbs usually results in grumbling and growling but this time, he got up and came to the bathroom without a word. He stood with his head tilted to one side and then asked me what was that noise. I told him, "I don't know, that's why I got you up". So he went and put on his pants and shoes and went to the basement and looked around. Nothing down there.
Meanwhile, I'm still standing in the hallway afraid the house is going to blow up or fall down or something is going to suddenly appear from between the walls. The Hubbs went to get his glasses and repeated everything I had done in the bathroom, light switch, toothbrush, cabinet door. By this time, I had moved closer to the front door ready to run. He reached into the cabinet and handed me my Hummingbird flosser. It's a small electric thingy that can be used with the U-shaped flossers to floss your teeth. It's not suppose to work unless you press the button. But it was running and as it was sitting on the shelf, it was turning around and around and each time it turned toward the back of the cabinet, it would knock against it and be really loud. Then when it would turn toward the front, it would quieten down.
I looked at the flosser then at the Hubbs and burst into laughter. He and I had a good laugh and I put it down on the counter and went back to bed. This morning, I found it lying on a catalogue in the bathroom buzzing like crazy. Maybe it's trying to tell me something????
Hugs,
Sharon
I listened and I could hear something clattering. I couldn't tell exactly where it was coming from but I knew it was in the house. So I got up and listened again. I turned off the light, thinking maybe the fan was making a noise. The clattering continued. I opened the door and the clattering was louder. Since the Hubbs sleeps in another room, I thought maybe it was him snoring. Nope, he's sleeping peacefully and quietly.
I stepped into the hall and again, the clattering got louder. So I slowly walked down the hallway trying to find the source of this noise. It was driving me crazy and I knew I wouldn't be going back to sleep as long as I didn't know what was causing it.
It seemed to be loudest in the hall bath so I stepped inside and turn the light switch on and off. No difference. I unplugged my toothbrush. No difference. I opened the upper cabinet door and bingo, loud clattering. I listened and listened and couldn't find the source. The clattering would get quieter and then louder. I thought maybe something was between the walls. Maybe a woodpecker?????
I decided I needed help so I woke the Hubbs and told him I needed him to listen to something. Now waking the Hubbs usually results in grumbling and growling but this time, he got up and came to the bathroom without a word. He stood with his head tilted to one side and then asked me what was that noise. I told him, "I don't know, that's why I got you up". So he went and put on his pants and shoes and went to the basement and looked around. Nothing down there.
Meanwhile, I'm still standing in the hallway afraid the house is going to blow up or fall down or something is going to suddenly appear from between the walls. The Hubbs went to get his glasses and repeated everything I had done in the bathroom, light switch, toothbrush, cabinet door. By this time, I had moved closer to the front door ready to run. He reached into the cabinet and handed me my Hummingbird flosser. It's a small electric thingy that can be used with the U-shaped flossers to floss your teeth. It's not suppose to work unless you press the button. But it was running and as it was sitting on the shelf, it was turning around and around and each time it turned toward the back of the cabinet, it would knock against it and be really loud. Then when it would turn toward the front, it would quieten down.
I looked at the flosser then at the Hubbs and burst into laughter. He and I had a good laugh and I put it down on the counter and went back to bed. This morning, I found it lying on a catalogue in the bathroom buzzing like crazy. Maybe it's trying to tell me something????
Hugs,
Sharon
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Looking on the bright side
I cannot begin to tell you how much your comments have meant to me. Uplifting, caring, sweet wonderful people that you are. I am so very thankful for each one of you and happy to call you friend whether you are near or far.
Life has settled into a pattern of sorts. Mom started radiation last week and has now had 6 of 10 treatments. She also started chemotherapy today in pill form which she will do for 2 weeks. There are brights spots. Mom is eating and staying up more now. She was sleeping quite a bit and had very little energy but she seems to be getting some of that energy back. She is eating well each day which was not the case a few weeks ago. We are even finding humor in little things. Monday she decided to go to the kitchen on her own. She uses a walker to get around because she wants the stability it provides. The space going into the kitchen is quite close and she got herself blocked into a corner. My aunt turned around and there was Mom, standing against the pantry cabinet behind her walker blocked by the dryer. My mental image of that is hilarious and I think they both had a good laugh about it.
Mom's spirits are definitely up compared to the past few weeks and seeing her smile and laugh helps me. Of course, there are the talks about how to handle things and getting everything taken care of but that is a fact of the process and we are handling it well. I have even taken a day each week to stay home and do what I need to catch up on. While a major part of me wants to be with her each minute of each day, I know that my body won't handle that so I rest when I can and take advantage of the wonderful family and friends we have to help with the trips to radiation and staying when my aunt needs a break.
She has been having company but surprisingly, it has not been bunches of people at one time. They have been spaced out very well and I am grateful for that. Two weekends ago, my son and DIL came up with their 3 kids for a visit which Mom thoroughly enjoyed although it did wear her out. Three kids 5 and under are a little overwhelming in their energy and activeness. Mom had to go lie down on Sunday of that weekend because she was just worn out. But she was very glad to see them. She had worried how they would react to the patch she has over her right eye but only Lilly, the 3 year old, asked about it. Mom told her she had a boo-boo and Lilly told her Gibson (her cousin) had a boo-boo on his eye. And that was that! Children are amazing.
Last weekend, my daughter Abby, SIL and James came for a visit and again, Mom was happy to see them. James is use to the patch because he saw her so much when we were in Nashville. We have joked that he doesn't know why we aren't in a hotel room. :) He gives Mom open mouth kisses which she loves.
So we are moving forward, taking each day for the gift that it is and happy in it.
Thank you for stopping by and for your comments. They mean so very much to me.
Hugs,
Sharon
Life has settled into a pattern of sorts. Mom started radiation last week and has now had 6 of 10 treatments. She also started chemotherapy today in pill form which she will do for 2 weeks. There are brights spots. Mom is eating and staying up more now. She was sleeping quite a bit and had very little energy but she seems to be getting some of that energy back. She is eating well each day which was not the case a few weeks ago. We are even finding humor in little things. Monday she decided to go to the kitchen on her own. She uses a walker to get around because she wants the stability it provides. The space going into the kitchen is quite close and she got herself blocked into a corner. My aunt turned around and there was Mom, standing against the pantry cabinet behind her walker blocked by the dryer. My mental image of that is hilarious and I think they both had a good laugh about it.
Mom's spirits are definitely up compared to the past few weeks and seeing her smile and laugh helps me. Of course, there are the talks about how to handle things and getting everything taken care of but that is a fact of the process and we are handling it well. I have even taken a day each week to stay home and do what I need to catch up on. While a major part of me wants to be with her each minute of each day, I know that my body won't handle that so I rest when I can and take advantage of the wonderful family and friends we have to help with the trips to radiation and staying when my aunt needs a break.
She has been having company but surprisingly, it has not been bunches of people at one time. They have been spaced out very well and I am grateful for that. Two weekends ago, my son and DIL came up with their 3 kids for a visit which Mom thoroughly enjoyed although it did wear her out. Three kids 5 and under are a little overwhelming in their energy and activeness. Mom had to go lie down on Sunday of that weekend because she was just worn out. But she was very glad to see them. She had worried how they would react to the patch she has over her right eye but only Lilly, the 3 year old, asked about it. Mom told her she had a boo-boo and Lilly told her Gibson (her cousin) had a boo-boo on his eye. And that was that! Children are amazing.
Last weekend, my daughter Abby, SIL and James came for a visit and again, Mom was happy to see them. James is use to the patch because he saw her so much when we were in Nashville. We have joked that he doesn't know why we aren't in a hotel room. :) He gives Mom open mouth kisses which she loves.
So we are moving forward, taking each day for the gift that it is and happy in it.
Thank you for stopping by and for your comments. They mean so very much to me.
Hugs,
Sharon
Thursday, May 1, 2014
The Bump became a Mountain
Hello, bloggie people. It has been a good while. Our lives have been turned completely upside down and it is taking a while to get adjusted.
As I said in the last post, the surgery was cancelled because the cancer has grown too quickly and was too close to some areas the surgeons didn't want to mess with. At the time of the surgery, the cancer still had not been typed and the doctors did not know exactly what they were dealing with.
On Monday, 4/21, I received a call from the chemo oncologist at Nashville. She wanted to see Mom in her office on Tuesday morning instead of sending her to the oncologist in Knoxville. So again, we made another trip to Nashville and another visit to Vanderbilt Hospital. The oncologist felt that Mom needed to start chemo as soon as possible so she was admitted to the hospital to start chemo that evening. In the meantime, the ENT, who first saw Mom, came by to do another biopsy. Apparently, the tissue he had been getting was from a part of the tumor that was not living so he did an incision above her right eye to get viable cells for pathology. We waited and waited for those results. In the meantime, Mom had another PET scan which found spots in her chest, lungs and bones. Finally on Wednesday night, we found out the tumor was melanoma and that the best course of action to treat it was radiation. Last Wednesday night, an MRI was done which luckily showed no metastasis into her brain. On Thursday morning, she was taken down to see the radiation oncologist who explained what would be done. They wanted to start the radiation that night and it would continue for 5 days then stop for 2. She would have six weeks of this.
Mom decided she didn't want to start the radiation in Nashville. She has become weaker with each trip we make and she was afraid if they started the radiation, she wouldn't be able to make the trip home. She decided to come home to be with her family and do the radiation at the local Cancer Center. So late Thursday afternoon, my sister came back to Nashville and brought us home. Normally the trip takes between 3 and 4 hours, but Thursday it took 5 hours. There was a lot of traffic and there were several places where road construction was a problem.
On Friday morning, 4/25, we saw the radiation oncologist here at home and he explained that this is was best option for slowing down the tumor. This is the only way to, hopefully, stop it from invading her left eye and breaking through the skin around her right eye. They did the radiation mask and got the markers set on Friday and told us they would call with her first appointment the next week. In the meantime, we saw a chemo oncologist to get Mom started on chemo to help the radiation.
Mom started radiation yesterday, 4/27, and will have 10 treatments on the next couple of weeks. We are still waiting to get the chemo drug which will be in pill form. The treatments are suppose to last 15 minutes but the first one was 30 or 35 minutes. She said they had to do more ex rays and more markers before they could start the treatment. Apparently, this is a lot like having an MRI and Mom is claustrophobic so she had a problem. She was agitated when she came back so I gave her a sedative when we got back home and she went to bed. I told my aunt that we needed to give her the sedative before the treatment from now on and that's what she and my sister did today. It helped and Mom was able to eat and stay up after the treatment. Hopefully, she will start feeling better and be able to stay up longer.
Mom is on hospice care. We started that this week also. We all know that the end is coming and none of the treatments she is having are for cure. They are palliative, or pain management, only. We don't know how much longer Mom has to be with us but she is at home where she wanted to be and we are spending time with her as she can tolerate it. She isn't talking much but she does love having everyone close. My son brought his 3 children up last weekend to visit. She hadn't seen them since Christmas. Abby is bringing James in this weekend.
It has been really difficult this week to watch my active, vibrant Mom withdraw from us. She has always loved being with people and would be the last one to leave if she was having a good time (which she almost always did). She loved talking and traveling. She has been able to travel quite a bit. She's been in 45 states of the United States, including Hawaii. She has been on a cruise, done line dancing, and worked at Dollywood (an amusement park in the Smokies). She has done anything she has set her mind to and enjoyed her life as well as anyone could possibly have done. She has always had a ready smile and enjoyed a good joke. Seeing her not talking or not watching TV (which she so enjoyed) has been really hard. I'm not ready for this. I haven't had all the time I want with her yet.
I may not been back here for a while. I need to concentrate on Mom and spend as much time as I can with her. Thank you, everyone, for all your words of encouragement and love. Please continue to remember us as we go through this difficult time.
Hugs,
Sharon
As I said in the last post, the surgery was cancelled because the cancer has grown too quickly and was too close to some areas the surgeons didn't want to mess with. At the time of the surgery, the cancer still had not been typed and the doctors did not know exactly what they were dealing with.
On Monday, 4/21, I received a call from the chemo oncologist at Nashville. She wanted to see Mom in her office on Tuesday morning instead of sending her to the oncologist in Knoxville. So again, we made another trip to Nashville and another visit to Vanderbilt Hospital. The oncologist felt that Mom needed to start chemo as soon as possible so she was admitted to the hospital to start chemo that evening. In the meantime, the ENT, who first saw Mom, came by to do another biopsy. Apparently, the tissue he had been getting was from a part of the tumor that was not living so he did an incision above her right eye to get viable cells for pathology. We waited and waited for those results. In the meantime, Mom had another PET scan which found spots in her chest, lungs and bones. Finally on Wednesday night, we found out the tumor was melanoma and that the best course of action to treat it was radiation. Last Wednesday night, an MRI was done which luckily showed no metastasis into her brain. On Thursday morning, she was taken down to see the radiation oncologist who explained what would be done. They wanted to start the radiation that night and it would continue for 5 days then stop for 2. She would have six weeks of this.
Mom decided she didn't want to start the radiation in Nashville. She has become weaker with each trip we make and she was afraid if they started the radiation, she wouldn't be able to make the trip home. She decided to come home to be with her family and do the radiation at the local Cancer Center. So late Thursday afternoon, my sister came back to Nashville and brought us home. Normally the trip takes between 3 and 4 hours, but Thursday it took 5 hours. There was a lot of traffic and there were several places where road construction was a problem.
On Friday morning, 4/25, we saw the radiation oncologist here at home and he explained that this is was best option for slowing down the tumor. This is the only way to, hopefully, stop it from invading her left eye and breaking through the skin around her right eye. They did the radiation mask and got the markers set on Friday and told us they would call with her first appointment the next week. In the meantime, we saw a chemo oncologist to get Mom started on chemo to help the radiation.
Mom started radiation yesterday, 4/27, and will have 10 treatments on the next couple of weeks. We are still waiting to get the chemo drug which will be in pill form. The treatments are suppose to last 15 minutes but the first one was 30 or 35 minutes. She said they had to do more ex rays and more markers before they could start the treatment. Apparently, this is a lot like having an MRI and Mom is claustrophobic so she had a problem. She was agitated when she came back so I gave her a sedative when we got back home and she went to bed. I told my aunt that we needed to give her the sedative before the treatment from now on and that's what she and my sister did today. It helped and Mom was able to eat and stay up after the treatment. Hopefully, she will start feeling better and be able to stay up longer.
Mom is on hospice care. We started that this week also. We all know that the end is coming and none of the treatments she is having are for cure. They are palliative, or pain management, only. We don't know how much longer Mom has to be with us but she is at home where she wanted to be and we are spending time with her as she can tolerate it. She isn't talking much but she does love having everyone close. My son brought his 3 children up last weekend to visit. She hadn't seen them since Christmas. Abby is bringing James in this weekend.
It has been really difficult this week to watch my active, vibrant Mom withdraw from us. She has always loved being with people and would be the last one to leave if she was having a good time (which she almost always did). She loved talking and traveling. She has been able to travel quite a bit. She's been in 45 states of the United States, including Hawaii. She has been on a cruise, done line dancing, and worked at Dollywood (an amusement park in the Smokies). She has done anything she has set her mind to and enjoyed her life as well as anyone could possibly have done. She has always had a ready smile and enjoyed a good joke. Seeing her not talking or not watching TV (which she so enjoyed) has been really hard. I'm not ready for this. I haven't had all the time I want with her yet.
I may not been back here for a while. I need to concentrate on Mom and spend as much time as I can with her. Thank you, everyone, for all your words of encouragement and love. Please continue to remember us as we go through this difficult time.
Hugs,
Sharon
Saturday, April 19, 2014
A bump in the road
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments.
This week managed to throw us a curve. My sister, Mom and I went to Nashville on Wednesday to be rested before the all day long surgery. We had to be at the hospital at 8 AM and we had a 2-1/2 wait before they called Mom. My sister went up with her as they would only allow one person to be with her in pre-op and that person had to stay until she went into surgery. I got a text from my sister telling me they were taking her to get a CT scan to see exactly where the tumor was now. A little while later, I got another text that they weren't going to do the surgery. It seems the tumor has grown too large and was too close to some vital areas to safely do the surgery. They would be taking her back to Dr. Mannion's office, the ENT surgeon, to do a biopsy to see exactly what they were dealing with. Apparently, our local hospital, pathology, whatever, never sent any slides to them from the original biopsy.
Stacey came back downstairs and we went to the doctor's office. I sent Stacey back to be with Mom. I was so disappointed and scared and angry and everything else, I just couldn't see Mom at that point. I had a cry, talked with my husband and waited on my daughter and James. When the nurse brought her out, they told us to go home. The plan is to do chemo to hopefuly shrink the tumor to a more manageable size for surgery and we can do that closer to home.
My aunt and cousin had come down to be with us during the surgery. My Mom lives with this aunt and they are really close. They had gotten a room for the night because my aunt did not want to leave until she was able to see Mom so they asked Mom and I to stay with them and then go home on Friday. Mom was totally worn out and very disappointed so we said okay. My sister had planned to go home Thursday night anyway so she went ahead.
I know this reads like a jumble of words but right now I'm not thinking very clearly. I'm very worried that they have left it too late and there won't be anything they can do. I told my Mom at the very beginning that I would accept any decision she made and that the decisions were hers. I am so afraid I'm going to lose my Mom to this and that she will be in pain. I don't want to lose her but I really don't want her to be in pain.
I have slept off and on all day but now I'm working through my emotions so I don't know if I'll sleep tonight. Please keep remembering us. As my sister said, we are in for a long haul. We are lucky to have each other and the family support. My daughter has been wonderful through all of this and so has her husband. My son is staying in touch and talking to me and Mom. Mom has 3 sisters who will do anything for her. Family is so important at a time like this and I am so thankful for the family we have.
Thank you for stopping by.
Hugs,
Sharon
This week managed to throw us a curve. My sister, Mom and I went to Nashville on Wednesday to be rested before the all day long surgery. We had to be at the hospital at 8 AM and we had a 2-1/2 wait before they called Mom. My sister went up with her as they would only allow one person to be with her in pre-op and that person had to stay until she went into surgery. I got a text from my sister telling me they were taking her to get a CT scan to see exactly where the tumor was now. A little while later, I got another text that they weren't going to do the surgery. It seems the tumor has grown too large and was too close to some vital areas to safely do the surgery. They would be taking her back to Dr. Mannion's office, the ENT surgeon, to do a biopsy to see exactly what they were dealing with. Apparently, our local hospital, pathology, whatever, never sent any slides to them from the original biopsy.
Stacey came back downstairs and we went to the doctor's office. I sent Stacey back to be with Mom. I was so disappointed and scared and angry and everything else, I just couldn't see Mom at that point. I had a cry, talked with my husband and waited on my daughter and James. When the nurse brought her out, they told us to go home. The plan is to do chemo to hopefuly shrink the tumor to a more manageable size for surgery and we can do that closer to home.
My aunt and cousin had come down to be with us during the surgery. My Mom lives with this aunt and they are really close. They had gotten a room for the night because my aunt did not want to leave until she was able to see Mom so they asked Mom and I to stay with them and then go home on Friday. Mom was totally worn out and very disappointed so we said okay. My sister had planned to go home Thursday night anyway so she went ahead.
I know this reads like a jumble of words but right now I'm not thinking very clearly. I'm very worried that they have left it too late and there won't be anything they can do. I told my Mom at the very beginning that I would accept any decision she made and that the decisions were hers. I am so afraid I'm going to lose my Mom to this and that she will be in pain. I don't want to lose her but I really don't want her to be in pain.
I have slept off and on all day but now I'm working through my emotions so I don't know if I'll sleep tonight. Please keep remembering us. As my sister said, we are in for a long haul. We are lucky to have each other and the family support. My daughter has been wonderful through all of this and so has her husband. My son is staying in touch and talking to me and Mom. Mom has 3 sisters who will do anything for her. Family is so important at a time like this and I am so thankful for the family we have.
Thank you for stopping by.
Hugs,
Sharon
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
The surgery is scheduled.
Hello, my dear, dear bloggy friends. I cannot begin to tell you how much your comments and your thoughts have touched me. All we hear about when we turn on the news or talk with others, is how bad people are. The school shootings, the stabbings, the bombings, it all begins to feel like this world has turned totally bad and there's no hope for it. Then I get your comments and they are so powerful and kind and loving and I cry and smile and thank my lucky stars that I decided to join this wonderful community.
The past few weeks have been hectic. We have been getting things together, communicating with the doctors in Nashville and trying to be sure all things are lining up. We made another trip to Nashville last Friday for an appointment with the neurosurgeon, one with patient teachings and one for the pre-op process. The neurosurgeon determined that Mom could not wait until May for her surgery so that has been scheduled for Thursday, April 17. He explained, at the appointment, the process that will be done to remove the tumor. Instead of making an incision beside her nose, he will be doing a crainiotomy and working from above it. He feels that this is the best way to make sure he gets all the tumor. We have to be at the hospital at 8 AM with the surgery scheduled for 11 AM. It will be an 8 hour surgery + or - depending on how things go after they get started.
Mom will be in ICU for 5-7 days and if all goes well, she will be allowed to come home then. The ICU room has a sofa that makes a bed and one of us can stay with her at night. I am staying Thursday night and Friday night so my sister can go home to be with her kids and then she is coming back on Saturday so I can come home and rest. Thank goodness for little sisters and for family. I don't know how anyone manages without having family around them. My daughter has been such a help and having her close to Nashville makes it nice. We get to see them each time we go down and James is such a delight. He is definitely a mood lifter.
I have found myself, over the past couple of days, staring into space and having trouble concentrating on anything. Maybe this is my coping mechanism. I am glad the surgery is going forward sooner than we had been told but the thoughts of my 82 year old mother having to endure this lenghthy procedure scares me. She told the neurosurgeon she was bringing her own Surgeon and he told her they would be sure to have gloves to fit Him. Mom's faith is firm and I know she will be in good hands and I know there will prayers and thoughts surrounding her, but there is a part of me that is so worried, so scared and Mom won't be there to comfort me. She has been my rock through all my procedures and now it's my turn to be hers. This reversal is unnerving.
Now to things that have put a smile on my face this week.
I bought myself a bracelet this week. It is from bravelets.com and $10 of the price goes to research for your designated cause. I chose the Head&Neck Cancer one for obvious reasons.
Photo from bravelets.com website.
It says "be brave" and it is the sentiment I need right now.
While in Nashville awaiting the doctor's appointment, I received an email from Meredith telling me I had won her April Chocolate yarn giveaway. Happy, happy, happy. Four skeins of Manos del Uruguay, Pure Peruvian Cotton Kettle Dyed yarn and a beautiful Brittany birch wood crochet hook in size J.
The package came today while I was out getting some papers signed and running other errands. It was a comedy of errors! I had scheduled a package to be picked up for my Georgia grandbabies which was inside
the mailbox. UPS had left this package wrapped in plastic on one of the flowers pots beside the mailbox. Before I could get my things inside and get back out to get the package, the mail ran. Yep, you guessed it.....she picked up both the package inside the mailbox and the one beside the mailbox. I had no idea who the package was from as the Hubbs had an order he was expecting also. So I got online, got the number for our local post office (For some strange reason, the number for the local office is not listed?????) and gave them a call. I explained what had happened and asked her where I could get the package. She laughed and said she would contact the carrier and have her bring it back, which she did. She kept apologizing, but I told her it wasn't a problem. When I got the plastic off and realized it was my package from Meredith, I let out a whoop!!! See that beautiful yarn and look! Flamingo suckers! Aren't they cute!?!?! She also included a KeyLime chocolate bar! One of those suckers and that chocolate bar is going to Nashville with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MEREDITH!
We are going down Wednesday to spend the night since the trip so hard on both Mom and I. I need to get things done such as packing, paying bills, gathering crochet and cross stitch projects to keep me busy and other various items as the pop in my head. I have a list and I'm slowly marking things off.
So I will be back after the surgery to let you know how things went. I've not decided yet whether I'm taking my laptop with me or not. If I don't, I will be by to visit when I'm back home. Thank you all again for your comments. Please remember us on Thursday.
Hugs,
Sharon
The past few weeks have been hectic. We have been getting things together, communicating with the doctors in Nashville and trying to be sure all things are lining up. We made another trip to Nashville last Friday for an appointment with the neurosurgeon, one with patient teachings and one for the pre-op process. The neurosurgeon determined that Mom could not wait until May for her surgery so that has been scheduled for Thursday, April 17. He explained, at the appointment, the process that will be done to remove the tumor. Instead of making an incision beside her nose, he will be doing a crainiotomy and working from above it. He feels that this is the best way to make sure he gets all the tumor. We have to be at the hospital at 8 AM with the surgery scheduled for 11 AM. It will be an 8 hour surgery + or - depending on how things go after they get started.
Mom will be in ICU for 5-7 days and if all goes well, she will be allowed to come home then. The ICU room has a sofa that makes a bed and one of us can stay with her at night. I am staying Thursday night and Friday night so my sister can go home to be with her kids and then she is coming back on Saturday so I can come home and rest. Thank goodness for little sisters and for family. I don't know how anyone manages without having family around them. My daughter has been such a help and having her close to Nashville makes it nice. We get to see them each time we go down and James is such a delight. He is definitely a mood lifter.
I have found myself, over the past couple of days, staring into space and having trouble concentrating on anything. Maybe this is my coping mechanism. I am glad the surgery is going forward sooner than we had been told but the thoughts of my 82 year old mother having to endure this lenghthy procedure scares me. She told the neurosurgeon she was bringing her own Surgeon and he told her they would be sure to have gloves to fit Him. Mom's faith is firm and I know she will be in good hands and I know there will prayers and thoughts surrounding her, but there is a part of me that is so worried, so scared and Mom won't be there to comfort me. She has been my rock through all my procedures and now it's my turn to be hers. This reversal is unnerving.
Now to things that have put a smile on my face this week.
I bought myself a bracelet this week. It is from bravelets.com and $10 of the price goes to research for your designated cause. I chose the Head&Neck Cancer one for obvious reasons.
Photo from bravelets.com website.
It says "be brave" and it is the sentiment I need right now.
While in Nashville awaiting the doctor's appointment, I received an email from Meredith telling me I had won her April Chocolate yarn giveaway. Happy, happy, happy. Four skeins of Manos del Uruguay, Pure Peruvian Cotton Kettle Dyed yarn and a beautiful Brittany birch wood crochet hook in size J.
These pictures don't do the yarn or the other items justice.
The package came today while I was out getting some papers signed and running other errands. It was a comedy of errors! I had scheduled a package to be picked up for my Georgia grandbabies which was inside
the mailbox. UPS had left this package wrapped in plastic on one of the flowers pots beside the mailbox. Before I could get my things inside and get back out to get the package, the mail ran. Yep, you guessed it.....she picked up both the package inside the mailbox and the one beside the mailbox. I had no idea who the package was from as the Hubbs had an order he was expecting also. So I got online, got the number for our local post office (For some strange reason, the number for the local office is not listed?????) and gave them a call. I explained what had happened and asked her where I could get the package. She laughed and said she would contact the carrier and have her bring it back, which she did. She kept apologizing, but I told her it wasn't a problem. When I got the plastic off and realized it was my package from Meredith, I let out a whoop!!! See that beautiful yarn and look! Flamingo suckers! Aren't they cute!?!?! She also included a KeyLime chocolate bar! One of those suckers and that chocolate bar is going to Nashville with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MEREDITH!
We are going down Wednesday to spend the night since the trip so hard on both Mom and I. I need to get things done such as packing, paying bills, gathering crochet and cross stitch projects to keep me busy and other various items as the pop in my head. I have a list and I'm slowly marking things off.
So I will be back after the surgery to let you know how things went. I've not decided yet whether I'm taking my laptop with me or not. If I don't, I will be by to visit when I'm back home. Thank you all again for your comments. Please remember us on Thursday.
Hugs,
Sharon
Thursday, March 20, 2014
So the Journey begins......
Before I go any further, I have to say thank you, thank you, thank you for all the sweet, kind, caring comments. You never know where your support will come from in times like these and we have wonderful family and friends who are there to lean on, but you, my bloggy friends, have touched my heart and made me cry and smile with your comments. For you who are dealing with or have dealt with the same or similar situations with your parents, please know that you are in my prayers. Friends mean so much, especially at times like these, and you all mean so very, very much to me.
So we begin...
Monday, March 17, Mom had an appointment in Nashville, TN, at Vanderbilt Hospital for 9 AM. She was scheduled to see an otolaryngologist (what a big word). Wikipedia describes this medical professional as an ENT-surgical doctor and states that it is the oldest medical speciality in the US. We were treated with such courtesy and compasssion while there but the most compassionate person cannot blunt the shock of what has to be done. Dr. Mannion did examine Mom and there was a screen where I could watch the camera scope as he took pictures and looked all around her nasal cavity. I have to admit, it was interesting and really didn't bother me as I thought it would. I was able to see the tumor but I couldn't tell where it was exactly other than it is in her nasal cavity. It was hard to tell where he was looking. After the examination, he talked with us about the options and about what she is facing. His recommendation for a cure, a cancer free life, was surgery to remove the tumor and adjoining area to make sure everything is taken and nothing is left to cause problems later. The tumor has broken through the narrow bone between the sinus cavity and the eye and has invaded the muscle there. I can't tell you how hard that announcement was. It is very hard to comfort someone when you, yourself, are falling apart. Dr. Mannion sat and waited and touched Mom gently and we got through it but oh, how hard it was.
After this visit, we were told that we had appointments with 2 other doctors which we didn't know when we went down. Apparently, his office had scheduled these and set them up so we could see everyone that day and save another trip down. Nashville is about 200 miles west of us and it takes around 3-1/2 to 4 hours driving time. Mom was still weak and having trouble walking so my sister, Mom and I went down on Sunday so we could have time to rest before the doctor appointment on Monday. It would have been much too hard on Mom to try to do it all in one day and after we found that we would be seeing 3 doctors in total, I was so glad we had made that decision.
The next appointment, at 10 AM, was with the radiation doctor, Dr. Cmelak. Luckily we were told we could call me Dr. C. Vanderbilt is a HUGE place. We had to walk across the street (luckily on a sky walk) and then down this long, long, long hall. Thank goodness we had borrowed a wheel chair for Mom. She would never have made it if she had had to walk all that way. As it was, we ended up at the wrong elevators and a super nice young lady, after finding out who we were trying to find, took us into his area through the back way and stayed with us to make sure that's where we were suppose to be before she left us. Like I said, super nice people. Dr. C's assisant came in and talked to us and explained about radiation and how it is done. She also explained the side effects and what we could expect if Mom chose that option for treatment. Dr. C, however, told Mom that he didn't feel radiation alone would get rid of the tumor and could do damage to other areas. He told her the best option was surgery and that they were going to get her to 99. She said she wanted to live to be 100 so she could get on the jelly jar. This perplexed Dr. C as neither of us could remember the name of the man who does the "Smuckers Jelly" 100 year old shout outs. He is Willard Scott, a long time weather person on NBC's Today show. Now, once a week, he annouces birthdays of people who have made it 100 years old. Radiation seems so harsh and the side effects are awful but, when if it's your only course of action to rid yourself of this beastly disease, I believe I would jump at the chance. So at this point, we had two opinions that surgery was the best option.
The next appointment, with Dr. Murphy in chemotherapy, was scheduled for 4 PM and we couldn't get in any sooner. So we decided to get away from the hospital for a while and have lunch. Thank goodness, my daughter Abby and sweet baby James had come to be with us for these appointments. She lives close to Nashville and knew a good place for lunch. We all went to Noshville, a deli type restaurant and the food was delicious. Bless James' heart, he was such a cut up and such a delight. He kept all of us smiling. When they brought our food out and set my plate down, he grabbed a french fry off it and grinned. He did eat the french fry so I put 2 or 3 on his little plate for him. He politely put them back on my plate and continued eating them from there. :) This child makes my heart smile and he was just what we needed at that point. He is such a good baby and so happy most of the time. He really enjoyed flirting with the waitresses and getting pick at by everyone. Abby and James had been with us since the first appointment and now it was nearly 2:30 and he was getting tired and sleepy so she decided to go home and let him have a nap. She sent me a picture of him cuddled up in a blanket sleeping on her chest.
At our last appointment with Dr. Murphy, we were told a lot of what the reports said. She took her time and explained a lot of what was being said. We had been told by the Morristown ENT that the pathology showed that the tumor was melanoma. However, Dr. Murphy said it was carcinoma, which is confusing but I trust the Vanderbilt doctors since this is what they deal with everyday. They were going to order copies of the CT scans and the slides of the biopsy to help make a better determination of exactly what kind of cancer it is. I asked about the stage because I have always heard that the stage determines the treatment. Dr. Mannion said at this point the stage wasn't important, it was just a number. He said if he had to stage it, he would say stage 4. The most important thing is that it is an agressvive form of cancer and hopefully, it was caught early and hasn't spread anywhere. There is no indication that it has spread except a suspect lymph node in Mom's neck which they will remove and examine at surgery. It bothered me that I wasn't told to get the CT scans along with the MRI and PET scans to take down. All I had was the MRI and PET scan but we were told they would get them.
There will be a cancer team meeting this coming Monday, 3/24, and these 3 doctors will get together and discuss further about the options. Then they will let us know when Mom's next appointment will be. One of the good things is that Mom has been healthy for much of her life. She only takes a BP pill and other than some back pain and arthritis, she is very healthy for 82.
As she and I were waiting for my sister to get the car and pick us up after the last appointment, she told me she had decided to have the surgery. She said she had had all day to think about it and about the options and she felt that having the surgery was the best way to defeat the cancer. I had told her I would stick by whatever her decision would be because it really is her life and she is lucid and aware and can very well make her own decisions regarding this.
I saw Mom yesterday and spent the afternoon with her and she seemed more her old self than she has in a long while. She had been dealing with this blockage which was thought to be a sinus infection since before Christmas and now dealing with the prospects of surgery, I wasn't sure how she would be, but Mom is a positive person and tries to always look on the brighter side of things. She has been my rock so many times and has kept me looking toward the bright side. I know that frame of mind will help her deal with all this. That is not to say that there won't be meltdowns. There will be and it is expected, but as Dr. Murphy said, "Allow yourself the meltdown and eat chocolate"! Sounds like good advice to me.
I will close now. Again thank you for all your kind, caring comments. I love you all, my bloggy friends. I'm sorry if this seems rambling, but my mind is still trying to wrap itself around all this.
Thought I would leave you with the photo that has been putting a smile on my face this week.
Hugs,
Sharon
So we begin...
Monday, March 17, Mom had an appointment in Nashville, TN, at Vanderbilt Hospital for 9 AM. She was scheduled to see an otolaryngologist (what a big word). Wikipedia describes this medical professional as an ENT-surgical doctor and states that it is the oldest medical speciality in the US. We were treated with such courtesy and compasssion while there but the most compassionate person cannot blunt the shock of what has to be done. Dr. Mannion did examine Mom and there was a screen where I could watch the camera scope as he took pictures and looked all around her nasal cavity. I have to admit, it was interesting and really didn't bother me as I thought it would. I was able to see the tumor but I couldn't tell where it was exactly other than it is in her nasal cavity. It was hard to tell where he was looking. After the examination, he talked with us about the options and about what she is facing. His recommendation for a cure, a cancer free life, was surgery to remove the tumor and adjoining area to make sure everything is taken and nothing is left to cause problems later. The tumor has broken through the narrow bone between the sinus cavity and the eye and has invaded the muscle there. I can't tell you how hard that announcement was. It is very hard to comfort someone when you, yourself, are falling apart. Dr. Mannion sat and waited and touched Mom gently and we got through it but oh, how hard it was.
After this visit, we were told that we had appointments with 2 other doctors which we didn't know when we went down. Apparently, his office had scheduled these and set them up so we could see everyone that day and save another trip down. Nashville is about 200 miles west of us and it takes around 3-1/2 to 4 hours driving time. Mom was still weak and having trouble walking so my sister, Mom and I went down on Sunday so we could have time to rest before the doctor appointment on Monday. It would have been much too hard on Mom to try to do it all in one day and after we found that we would be seeing 3 doctors in total, I was so glad we had made that decision.
The next appointment, at 10 AM, was with the radiation doctor, Dr. Cmelak. Luckily we were told we could call me Dr. C. Vanderbilt is a HUGE place. We had to walk across the street (luckily on a sky walk) and then down this long, long, long hall. Thank goodness we had borrowed a wheel chair for Mom. She would never have made it if she had had to walk all that way. As it was, we ended up at the wrong elevators and a super nice young lady, after finding out who we were trying to find, took us into his area through the back way and stayed with us to make sure that's where we were suppose to be before she left us. Like I said, super nice people. Dr. C's assisant came in and talked to us and explained about radiation and how it is done. She also explained the side effects and what we could expect if Mom chose that option for treatment. Dr. C, however, told Mom that he didn't feel radiation alone would get rid of the tumor and could do damage to other areas. He told her the best option was surgery and that they were going to get her to 99. She said she wanted to live to be 100 so she could get on the jelly jar. This perplexed Dr. C as neither of us could remember the name of the man who does the "Smuckers Jelly" 100 year old shout outs. He is Willard Scott, a long time weather person on NBC's Today show. Now, once a week, he annouces birthdays of people who have made it 100 years old. Radiation seems so harsh and the side effects are awful but, when if it's your only course of action to rid yourself of this beastly disease, I believe I would jump at the chance. So at this point, we had two opinions that surgery was the best option.
The next appointment, with Dr. Murphy in chemotherapy, was scheduled for 4 PM and we couldn't get in any sooner. So we decided to get away from the hospital for a while and have lunch. Thank goodness, my daughter Abby and sweet baby James had come to be with us for these appointments. She lives close to Nashville and knew a good place for lunch. We all went to Noshville, a deli type restaurant and the food was delicious. Bless James' heart, he was such a cut up and such a delight. He kept all of us smiling. When they brought our food out and set my plate down, he grabbed a french fry off it and grinned. He did eat the french fry so I put 2 or 3 on his little plate for him. He politely put them back on my plate and continued eating them from there. :) This child makes my heart smile and he was just what we needed at that point. He is such a good baby and so happy most of the time. He really enjoyed flirting with the waitresses and getting pick at by everyone. Abby and James had been with us since the first appointment and now it was nearly 2:30 and he was getting tired and sleepy so she decided to go home and let him have a nap. She sent me a picture of him cuddled up in a blanket sleeping on her chest.
At our last appointment with Dr. Murphy, we were told a lot of what the reports said. She took her time and explained a lot of what was being said. We had been told by the Morristown ENT that the pathology showed that the tumor was melanoma. However, Dr. Murphy said it was carcinoma, which is confusing but I trust the Vanderbilt doctors since this is what they deal with everyday. They were going to order copies of the CT scans and the slides of the biopsy to help make a better determination of exactly what kind of cancer it is. I asked about the stage because I have always heard that the stage determines the treatment. Dr. Mannion said at this point the stage wasn't important, it was just a number. He said if he had to stage it, he would say stage 4. The most important thing is that it is an agressvive form of cancer and hopefully, it was caught early and hasn't spread anywhere. There is no indication that it has spread except a suspect lymph node in Mom's neck which they will remove and examine at surgery. It bothered me that I wasn't told to get the CT scans along with the MRI and PET scans to take down. All I had was the MRI and PET scan but we were told they would get them.
There will be a cancer team meeting this coming Monday, 3/24, and these 3 doctors will get together and discuss further about the options. Then they will let us know when Mom's next appointment will be. One of the good things is that Mom has been healthy for much of her life. She only takes a BP pill and other than some back pain and arthritis, she is very healthy for 82.
As she and I were waiting for my sister to get the car and pick us up after the last appointment, she told me she had decided to have the surgery. She said she had had all day to think about it and about the options and she felt that having the surgery was the best way to defeat the cancer. I had told her I would stick by whatever her decision would be because it really is her life and she is lucid and aware and can very well make her own decisions regarding this.
I saw Mom yesterday and spent the afternoon with her and she seemed more her old self than she has in a long while. She had been dealing with this blockage which was thought to be a sinus infection since before Christmas and now dealing with the prospects of surgery, I wasn't sure how she would be, but Mom is a positive person and tries to always look on the brighter side of things. She has been my rock so many times and has kept me looking toward the bright side. I know that frame of mind will help her deal with all this. That is not to say that there won't be meltdowns. There will be and it is expected, but as Dr. Murphy said, "Allow yourself the meltdown and eat chocolate"! Sounds like good advice to me.
I will close now. Again thank you for all your kind, caring comments. I love you all, my bloggy friends. I'm sorry if this seems rambling, but my mind is still trying to wrap itself around all this.
Thought I would leave you with the photo that has been putting a smile on my face this week.
Hugs,
Sharon
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
News
This is going to be a very hard post to write. As I reported in my last post, my Mom had surgery last Thursday on her sinuses. She has been having trouble with infection and nose polyps for 2 months. Thank you for the good wishes. I truly appreciate them.
She came through the surgery fine. The ENT did a biopsy on the polyps and cleared the infection and other gunk out and she woke up happy. She could breathe again and didn't have any thing blocking her nose. However, when the doctor came out to talk to me, he told me he found cancer in her sinus cavity. I was not expecting anything like that. I knew she was blocked and her face was swollen, but I thought once he had cleared all the infection that things would be fine. I hadn't even realized that he would be doing a biopsy. This totally wrecked me for a few moments. My sister had to leave before the end of surgery to go back to Knoxville for a meeting and the only one there with me was my Mom's best friend. I had been trying to get her to go home because she's not in great health herself but she wouldn't leave me. I am so very, very glad she was there. I don't think I could have gotten it together before seeing Mom if she hadn't been there to hug me.
I didn't know how much Mom knew about what had been found but decided I would follow her lead. She was drinking Sprite and eating a popsicle which I saw her in recovery and was ready to come home. She had some bleeding from her nose when she got dressed but we were told that was normal and would happen a few times, especially when she leaned forward. She knew about the biopsy but nothing else.
I kept this to myself all weekend. I had told my sister and my husband and of course, Mom's best friend knew but I didn't tell anyone else. Mom didn't give me any indication that she might have any ideas about anything so I waited.
Today, I took her for her post-op appointment. The doctor told her that he found the cancer and that, more than likely, it was malignant. The tests have not come back conclusively yet, but the only thing that hasn't been determined is the stage. He told her she would need an MRI, PET and would need to go to Vanderbilt Cancer Center in Nashville, TN, to see an ENT oncologist. She said she stopped listening after Vanderbilt. She has been extremely weak and using a walker to get around so after he finished talking to her and doing a rinse out of her nose, I took her to the waiting room and went back to make her appointments. There was a delay in getting through to Vanderbilt so the girl trying to make the appointments told me she would call me with the information later.
After I got Mom home and settled, I told her I had known since Thursday and apologized that I hadn't said anything but she told me she was glad I had kept it to myself. She didn't have to think about it over the weekend.
My Mom has always been healthy and has seldom even had to visit the doctor. Of course, as she has aged, she has had more visits but at 82, she is still very healthy. There are no indications as to where this cancer comes from but is usually seen in workers who have worked around certain chemicals and woodworkers. However, there is no known cause. It is a rare cancer with only about 2,000 cases diagnosed in the US each year. The average age is 64. As you can tell, I've been doing a lot of Googling and trying to find out as much as I can.
So now, we start the process of testing and planning a treatment program. Please remember Mom. She is a strong woman and has always been able to comfort me no matter what has happened to me but now the tables are turned and we (my sister and I) are the ones who need to do the comforting and the care. She has always been my role model for being a mother. There are going to be some rough times ahead. I hope I can be strong for her and help her face this.
Sharon
She came through the surgery fine. The ENT did a biopsy on the polyps and cleared the infection and other gunk out and she woke up happy. She could breathe again and didn't have any thing blocking her nose. However, when the doctor came out to talk to me, he told me he found cancer in her sinus cavity. I was not expecting anything like that. I knew she was blocked and her face was swollen, but I thought once he had cleared all the infection that things would be fine. I hadn't even realized that he would be doing a biopsy. This totally wrecked me for a few moments. My sister had to leave before the end of surgery to go back to Knoxville for a meeting and the only one there with me was my Mom's best friend. I had been trying to get her to go home because she's not in great health herself but she wouldn't leave me. I am so very, very glad she was there. I don't think I could have gotten it together before seeing Mom if she hadn't been there to hug me.
I didn't know how much Mom knew about what had been found but decided I would follow her lead. She was drinking Sprite and eating a popsicle which I saw her in recovery and was ready to come home. She had some bleeding from her nose when she got dressed but we were told that was normal and would happen a few times, especially when she leaned forward. She knew about the biopsy but nothing else.
I kept this to myself all weekend. I had told my sister and my husband and of course, Mom's best friend knew but I didn't tell anyone else. Mom didn't give me any indication that she might have any ideas about anything so I waited.
Today, I took her for her post-op appointment. The doctor told her that he found the cancer and that, more than likely, it was malignant. The tests have not come back conclusively yet, but the only thing that hasn't been determined is the stage. He told her she would need an MRI, PET and would need to go to Vanderbilt Cancer Center in Nashville, TN, to see an ENT oncologist. She said she stopped listening after Vanderbilt. She has been extremely weak and using a walker to get around so after he finished talking to her and doing a rinse out of her nose, I took her to the waiting room and went back to make her appointments. There was a delay in getting through to Vanderbilt so the girl trying to make the appointments told me she would call me with the information later.
After I got Mom home and settled, I told her I had known since Thursday and apologized that I hadn't said anything but she told me she was glad I had kept it to myself. She didn't have to think about it over the weekend.
My Mom has always been healthy and has seldom even had to visit the doctor. Of course, as she has aged, she has had more visits but at 82, she is still very healthy. There are no indications as to where this cancer comes from but is usually seen in workers who have worked around certain chemicals and woodworkers. However, there is no known cause. It is a rare cancer with only about 2,000 cases diagnosed in the US each year. The average age is 64. As you can tell, I've been doing a lot of Googling and trying to find out as much as I can.
So now, we start the process of testing and planning a treatment program. Please remember Mom. She is a strong woman and has always been able to comfort me no matter what has happened to me but now the tables are turned and we (my sister and I) are the ones who need to do the comforting and the care. She has always been my role model for being a mother. There are going to be some rough times ahead. I hope I can be strong for her and help her face this.
Sharon
Monday, February 24, 2014
The Month That Got Away
Wow, what a month February has been! I've sat down several times to do a post only to get up and do something else and forget. This has been a month of snow, cold, birthdays and more birthdays. It has been a busy month.
I am going to try to remember everything that happened this month, but I know I will forget something. Here goes.
Snow, snow and more snow. We have had our share of snow this winter. There has been several inches of snow around here this year. We really haven't had much snow in the past few years and it has been kind of nice except it's cold! I'm not a big fan of cold weather and we have had that in spades. It actually was warmer when it snowed than earlier in the month. I took these photos of the last snow.
Love the animation! I hope you can see it. I made these with my phone. The first one was at the start and the second was about an hour later. We ended up with about 7" of snow total. Unlike the earlier snow in January, there was no ice underneath this one.
Birthdays. We had 4 birthdays in one week. Sweet Baby James turned 1 on Sunday, 2/9. We went down for his birthday party and he was a trooper. He is such a sweet little guy and so easy going most of the time. His Mom and Dad decided to have his party at a local pizza place and the food was really good. Abby made the cake and ummmmmm, delicious.
I am going to try to remember everything that happened this month, but I know I will forget something. Here goes.
Snow, snow and more snow. We have had our share of snow this winter. There has been several inches of snow around here this year. We really haven't had much snow in the past few years and it has been kind of nice except it's cold! I'm not a big fan of cold weather and we have had that in spades. It actually was warmer when it snowed than earlier in the month. I took these photos of the last snow.
Love the animation! I hope you can see it. I made these with my phone. The first one was at the start and the second was about an hour later. We ended up with about 7" of snow total. Unlike the earlier snow in January, there was no ice underneath this one.
Birthdays. We had 4 birthdays in one week. Sweet Baby James turned 1 on Sunday, 2/9. We went down for his birthday party and he was a trooper. He is such a sweet little guy and so easy going most of the time. His Mom and Dad decided to have his party at a local pizza place and the food was really good. Abby made the cake and ummmmmm, delicious.
Papaw Braxton, Grampa Grainger, James and Daddy (Doug)
HI!!!
I couldn't resist putting this one in. I look like I'm ready to dive head-first into the cake.
Grammy Braxton, Mama (Abby) and James
Getty the cake ready. Mama had a bit of a cry. :)
James fed Mama ice cream. Notice his mouth? He opened it like that for each bite he fed her. :)
Everyone liked his gifts. He was a little bit overwhelmed.
Sweet Baby James - 1 year old!!
Elijah also had a birthday. He turned 2 on Monday, 2/10. I only have this photo of a few days after.
Elijah and his Daddy (my son, Doug)
Elijah being silly and crawling backwards on the road.
Then there was my daughter, Abby's birthday. Her birthday was Wednesday, 2/12 and my birthday was Thursday, 2/13. Whew! We were birthdayed out by Friday. It was a quiet weekend. I had said earlier in the week that I really wanted a good cheeseburger, so Friday we went to Cook-Out and had a great cheeseburger and fries. I have to say it was a great burger, not as greasy as some and it did have the cooked on a grill taste. May have to go back.
The crafting front has been a bit of hit and miss lately. I have been working steadily on dishcloths and giving them away. I've also started on a scarf for a young man as a surprise. Of course by the time I get it done, he won't need it but there's always the fall and winter to come. We made a day trip to North Carolina a week ago Saturday. It was a good day for it except for the wind. We have to cross the mountains to get to NC and the wind was stiff. We went almost to the South Carolina border to get some tires my husband wanted for his home built tractor. Then coming back through Asheville, we stopped at Jo-Ann's. I needed some more crochet hooks. I have trouble using the regular hooks. It hurts my hand to crochet with them but I discovered ones with a built up section that fits comfortably so I can crochet with less pain, not without pain but less. As usual, the Hubs was being silly in the store. He likes to try to embarrass me but he should know that after 42 years, that ain't gonna happen often. We were looking at the hooks (and there wasn't a great selection - they were having a 25% off sale) and I couldn't find the size I wanted. He made some comment, I can't even remember what it was but I know it was silly. I just shook my head and moved on. Another lady was standing there looking at him and then she looked at me and said, "Does he always do this?" I said, "Yep. I just humor him and keep moving". She laughed. He finally wandered off looking around and I was able to get some more dish cloth yarn. He is a hoot in a store most of the time. The cashiers, for the most part, go along with him and have a good time.
I found this on Facebook the other day. I think it works, don't you?
So there is my month. My Mom is having surgery on Thursday so please keep her in your thoughts. She is 82 and has been battling a sinus infection and nose polyps for almost 2 months. She is having surgery to remove the nose polyps. I am concerned because she hasn't been sleeping or eating very well and surgery at her age is always a matter of concern.
As always, thank you for stopping by. I hope you have a great week where ever you might be.
Hugs,
Sharon
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
FOUND IT!!!!!!
Yay, I found the charger.
The weather today is cold and snowy. Right now (12:45 PM EST) it is 17 F and snowing. The roads are covered and the forecast is for snow the rest of the day. Brrrrr! Actually, it's not as brrrrr as last week when it was 10 F and windy. The soft falling snow is pretty but that may be because I don't have to go out in it. One of the perks of being retired. :)
The first 3 pics were made this morning about 10. It had been snowing about an hour by then. In the 4th pic, there is a cardinal on the tree branch above the feeder. Kind of hard to see. At one point, I counted 7 cardinals both in the tree and on the ground. Such a happy bright color against the snow. The last 4 pics were taken around 12 noon. Looks like we are going to get a pretty good snowfall.
As I said, I found the charger and I did photograph the dishcloths and the yarn I still have to work up. There are some crazy colors in the mix but I'm really enjoying working on them. They are sort of instant gratification for me since I can usually do one in 2-3 days. Sam, the pattern I used is from Heather at The Good Life. If you click on Heather, it should take you to the pattern. I did change it somewhat. I used an F hook instead of an H and I am now starting the pattern right away instead of sc in the first row. I also did the border with sc for both rows. I don't do reverse sc very well. I worked the dishcloth until it was even diagonally and then started the border. So since you guys were so nice to ask to see the photos, here ya go:
The color on the third dishcloth is a purple/green variation. I'm liking it. I wasn't fond of the really bright one until I got it finished and now I like it. What do ya'll think?
And finally, my sewing corner. Well, not really a sewing corner, more of a small place in the bedroom but I'm happy. I haven't gotten to use it yet but I'm hoping that since today is a slow, lazy day, I'll be able to get in there and at least, zig zag the edge of the cross stitch project I'm wanting to start. As I said in the last post, that's my Mom's cabinet sewing machine that my little one is sitting on.
I don't know what is really going on with me. The past few days, I've had more get up and go. I'm even getting up earlier and finding that I have more time to craft and read. Imagine that! I'm such a lazy person on the whole that getting up early has always been a struggle for me. But I'm FINALLY using the C-Pap all night (at least 6 hours and most nights 7-8), I feel better in the mornings and more ready to get up and start my day. Now if I could just find something that made the RA pain go away, I'd be in heaven.
Thank you for stopping by. I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are. Please comment if you so choose. I love to hear from you.
Hugs,
Sharon
The weather today is cold and snowy. Right now (12:45 PM EST) it is 17 F and snowing. The roads are covered and the forecast is for snow the rest of the day. Brrrrr! Actually, it's not as brrrrr as last week when it was 10 F and windy. The soft falling snow is pretty but that may be because I don't have to go out in it. One of the perks of being retired. :)
The first 3 pics were made this morning about 10. It had been snowing about an hour by then. In the 4th pic, there is a cardinal on the tree branch above the feeder. Kind of hard to see. At one point, I counted 7 cardinals both in the tree and on the ground. Such a happy bright color against the snow. The last 4 pics were taken around 12 noon. Looks like we are going to get a pretty good snowfall.
As I said, I found the charger and I did photograph the dishcloths and the yarn I still have to work up. There are some crazy colors in the mix but I'm really enjoying working on them. They are sort of instant gratification for me since I can usually do one in 2-3 days. Sam, the pattern I used is from Heather at The Good Life. If you click on Heather, it should take you to the pattern. I did change it somewhat. I used an F hook instead of an H and I am now starting the pattern right away instead of sc in the first row. I also did the border with sc for both rows. I don't do reverse sc very well. I worked the dishcloth until it was even diagonally and then started the border. So since you guys were so nice to ask to see the photos, here ya go:
The color on the third dishcloth is a purple/green variation. I'm liking it. I wasn't fond of the really bright one until I got it finished and now I like it. What do ya'll think?
And finally, my sewing corner. Well, not really a sewing corner, more of a small place in the bedroom but I'm happy. I haven't gotten to use it yet but I'm hoping that since today is a slow, lazy day, I'll be able to get in there and at least, zig zag the edge of the cross stitch project I'm wanting to start. As I said in the last post, that's my Mom's cabinet sewing machine that my little one is sitting on.
I don't know what is really going on with me. The past few days, I've had more get up and go. I'm even getting up earlier and finding that I have more time to craft and read. Imagine that! I'm such a lazy person on the whole that getting up early has always been a struggle for me. But I'm FINALLY using the C-Pap all night (at least 6 hours and most nights 7-8), I feel better in the mornings and more ready to get up and start my day. Now if I could just find something that made the RA pain go away, I'd be in heaven.
Thank you for stopping by. I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are. Please comment if you so choose. I love to hear from you.
Hugs,
Sharon
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